My Baby Bro

This is my Baby Bro.

Although he is 18 years old already and 5’7” in height, he will remain to be my baby…

He was tolerant of that when he was young but suddenly rebelled against the babying when he was in high school and back to being tolerant of it upon studying in MAAP.

He is my most loyal fan. He believes in everything I say. I used to tell him stories of this and that - historical accounts, scientific discoveries, fiction; mostly fiction which I claim to be true. He was always in awe. In his eyes, I am the intelligent sister and will always be such.

He suffers from my worst attacks, physically and verbally. He never laid a finger on me even after hitting him lots of times. I hope this will not reach my parents. I do not and did not hit anyone else. I don’t remember what caused the fights but I know there were many.

Truly, we can hurt even the ones we love most. But I don’t advice it. I’m pro-peace and against violence. And despite everything, he still loves me. And if we don’t lose them after all the fights, harsh words and beatings, our love will withstand time and everything else.
.

I am Commander

My Sister and I on her college graduation

The Little Sister I Never Wished For
(Original title)

I have a little sister
Who never really had been
She doesn’t obey me
But I’m forced to obey her.

I have a little sister
Who kicks me out of bed
And calls me a sleepyhead
Whenever I wake up late.

I have a little sister
Who punishes me
And even if I’m right
She won’t accept she’s wrong.

All my life I never wished
For a sister like her
Never did I want to be called ‘under’
And she to be called ‘commander.’

Obviously, this is a work of a child, hehe. This was written by my sister 13 years ago; published in 'The Western Glow' in the year 1995.

I won't be surprised to find more articles/stories/literary pieces about me in my sister's journals and school papers. I saw this one while going through some of her many things.

Am I proud of all these? I don't know....

You see, my sister and don't hate each other. We actually love each other very much (she loves me very much that she is always affected by 'us') hehe.

Having a younger sibling.... anyone?

Angeli Benette Pidut, CPA
better known as Zea's sister (hehe)

Among the many things my sister sent home was a scrapbook which contains some of the articles she had written during her schooldays. And I was surprised to see one, written when she was in grade school (some 12 years ago), which again was about me.

I am certainly my sister’s favorite literary subject…

I remember so well when I was young how happy we were as a family – my parents’ closeness, the loving, the cuddling, the kissing and the tenderness of their looks were so inspiring. Their concern for me was so overwhelming. My mother never entrusted me to anyone, lest I will be hurt and she never gave me reason to be insecure.

Everything was so well until one day, I heard Father and Mother conversing. Father was so excited of the idea of having another baby. I didn’t mind at all because I did not understand what having another baby meant. Mother told me time and again that soon I will have a playmate. Father had to work harder, so I was told, to buy the needs of the expected baby. He comes home late and goes to work early. I was seldom awake whenever he was at home except during Sundays because we always went to church together.

Mother barely had time for me – she didn’t play with me as often as we used to. She was always busy preparing the things the baby would be needing. ‘Why had mother changed?’ I kept asking myself, but never got the answer.

I learned to play alone. I got used to doing it because we had no neighbors. We were living in the farm.

However, life was not at all that unhappy for me. I used to play with the animals my father raised. My favorite was a New Hampshire-bred swine I named Tibs. She was so beautiful, tall and sexy. How I loved playing with her. I used to ride on her back after she was bathed. She never resented, rather, I knew she enjoyed my company. I forgot all my worries and frustrations whenever I was with her especially when she gave birth to 12 cute piglets. I was amused looking at them chasing each other.

It was one moonless night when all of a sudden Mother woke Father up. She shook Father so hard that I was also awakened. I never saw Mother that way before. She was in intense pain, her teeth gushing and her voice moaning. When I inquired about what was happening, I was told that the baby was arriving. I was puzzled. There was my mother suffering from pain but still looking very expectant of the arrival of the new baby.

Nobody was around for me to ask question to. Father was gone in haste to fetch a midwife. While he was away, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to get near Mother to comfort her but she was hysterical. It seemed ages before father arrived with a midwife. They were just in time because Mother was already screaming. This time her voice was harsh and coarse and all of a sudden, a sharp shrill voice was heard. A baby girl was born.

The presence of the new-born baby brought me farther away from my parents. How I hated the baby. 'It must be she or I', I told my mother one day; and even threatened her that I’d stow away if they keep her. Mother shrugged her shoulders and smiled. I knew she didn’t believe me.

I felt more alone. Why can’t things be as they were. It was so difficult to describe how I felt. There were times when I wanted to scream because I felt the walls closing in around me.

One day, when this feeling assailed me, I ran out of the door and headed out to my grandparents’ house though I did not exactly know the way.

Mother rushed after me, hugged me and kissed me. She explained that everything would be alright. She told me, ‘Mother has to keep the baby and so must the Big sister.’

My story happened ten years ago, when I was only two. Today, we are five in the family – Father, Mother, the Big Sister (that’s me), Barbie and Daboy (the latest addition and the only boy).

This article was published in ‘The Western Glow’, the official publication of Dadiangas West Central Elementary School, in the year 1996.

Why is it posted here?!? Well, it's about me. I happen to be the younger sibling.....

Missing them

My siblings - Angeli and Hansel

My sister Angeli is better known to our relatives and friends as Coco. She was nicknamed such because papa used to drive my grandfather's (mama's dad) truck which transports coconut. That was how my parents met. Father changed profession. He is now a principal in a public school in GenSan.
My sister writes well. She is a creative writer. I try to write meaningful articles but I will never pass. But I'm a good critic, hehe.
Ate, after passing the CPA Board, worked for Pricewaterhouse Coopers Firm. She wants me to follow the path she had taken. Oh well, we desire different things so I chose a different profession - teaching.
She is moving forward, following the path usually taken by most auditors. She is due to leave on July 2 for Gibraltar, a financial hub in Europe. May she find true happiness there. hehe. I believe such move will give me greater happiness, too, financially. It means bigger credit card benefits from her.
Seriously, I will be very sad. I actually feel very sad already. I never thought time would come when we would move away (physically) from each other. I've always considered us to be inseparable. She tells me always that I'm the person she loves most.

My brother Hansel, a.k.a Daboy (meaning, "The Only Boy"), studies at Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific in Bataan. He is taking up Engineering of some sort. I don't know what field exactly. He studied for a year at NDDU, my alma mater, but could not stand being in the same school with his older sister. Some things there might have affected him. Anyway, he is now in a good place where he excels. He is having the time of his life.
My brother was my first love. Even though three years separate us, I lowered down to his level, hehe, when we were kids so that he would have someone to play with.
He is a national winner in different arts competitions. He is an excellent visual artist. Again, I'm the critic. I tried very hard in that field. Just wasn't/isn't for me....
After finishing college education at MAAP, he will work for a shipping company in Japan. He is very much looking forward to it.

So, I'll be the only one left here in the Philippines...........

Barbie, My Barbie

This was written by my sister when she was in high school; released nine (9) years ago in Reveille, the official student publication of Lagao National High School.


A perfect combination?

We were mirror images of exact opposites - my sister Barbie and I. We don't look alike and yet, we are not so different.

Do you ever wonder how she ever got nicknamed Barbie when her real name's Zea? Simply because our parents thought that I would love her more if she will be called my favorite toy, which happened to be my Barbie doll. Yes, my Barbie.... But who could they fool? Obviously, not me!!! I don't know, but at my first glance of her in my mother's arms, a strong feeling of indifference creeped into my whole being until I decided to despise her.

My early life with Barbie had not been good, for she dislikes me as much as I dislike her. We hated each other. She is someone who wouldn't get anyone get away from a wrong doing without paying back. What would you call us - a perfect combination?! Maybe, for we always end up wringing each other's necks.

But living with my sister isn't always the pit. Having only two years of age gap, we enjoy sharing each other's secrets and talking about our experiences especially about boys and crushes. We would then find ourselves making the other jealous and turn green with envy. But I guess she always wins. At grade six, she already got a love letter from a boy she really likes. That made me really envious of her. I was already fourteen then but for an unknown reason, I couldn't even make my crush look at me. But it was the special sisterly bond we started to share that made everything sweeter and extra-special than anything else.

Although I could say that through the years, we finally accepted each other's existence, I still couldn't help but hope for a little space between us. There were still times when I would want to choke her in her sleep and wish I had the power to make her vanish into thin air.

And.... after years of longing, waiting, hoping.... the day finally came that she has to go. Bringing her suitcase with her, she bade us goodbye to study in Laguna, up the magnificent beauty of Makiling and become one of the country's scholars in the field of visual arts. I couldn't deny how proud I had been of that achievement she had. But what truly made me jubilant were the words I long have wanted to hear from her - 'Goodbye......'

These leave-taking words seemed music to my ears. There could be nothing more I could wish for at the moment. 'Ah....' was all I said. A sigh of relief!

I was ready to shout then. Perhaps I had shattered the whole world into pieces with my shout if I hadn't controlled my ever-growing emotions. At last I would be free - with no more sister to pester me. See, free even rhymes with me; so does sister with pester. A thought of how would it be like to keep the room to myself like I had always wanted since I was just a kid; and won't have anyone to share things with all flashed in my mind. Ah... perhaps it would be truly different, but wonderful.

When we sent her off the port, nothing seemed to have changed between us. We just said casual goodbyes. No more. No less.

But when I went inside the house, I sensed that something is missing. I realized that my sister was gone and suddenly, I felt very lonely. An overwhelming sadness filled me.

After a month, when I heard her voice in the telephone saying, 'I love you Ate, and I miss you a lot...' I couldn't help but shed a tear. It was the first time I heard that from her, I guess. It's funny to think how distance could make the difference. But thinking about anything now, I would rather have her back by my side.

There were so many things I wanted to tell her. Oh, how I wish I could talk to her for as long as I want. But she is far away now, in the opposite pole where I stand.

While watching the setting sun fade in the west, tears fell from my eyes while I reminisced the bittersweet memories we shared through those short years together. Oh, how I miss her so! I miss Barbie, not because her name was of my favorite toy, but because she is my sister, my own flesh and blood. I thought I hated her all those years, but... the truth I guess is that I've always loved her, though I may not have realized it. It is indeed true that it is only when a person is away that you will realize how much she means in your life.

Ah... Barbie, you're really my Barbie, my life...


I did not stay far away for long. She welcomed me back into her arms (with not much choice) after a year's stint at Makiling. I was not meant to become an artist......... Haha. It was a struggle for us, once again.