Adieu

It had been the most meaningful five months of my life, and I am very thankful for the experience.

I am leaving, but this is hopefully not good bye.

Teaching had been very therapeutic for me. I was so broken after graduation. I did not know how to go on with my life. I felt so inadequate - having wasted five years of my academic life. I could not let go of student activities, too. I had so many negative unprocessed emotions.

And now, I can say that I am well (maybe the word "cured" is too much to be used).

I don't want to think that once again, I had been selfish in making my decisions. Maybe I am selfish in the eyes of many, but I only listened to myself. And my selfishness is only temporary. This is for a selfless service in the future.

I will have to settle some things first before I can finally give the whole of me. I am young. I still have a lot to learn. I don't really have to hurry.

Events have always favored me despite my being spoiled and inconsistent. But things may not be the same from now on. I am ready for the consequences of my actions.

I wouldn't say though that I have nothing to blame but myself. Because from now on, blaming myself and others will not be part of my life anymore. Things simply happen, or they don't. I won't live in the ghosts of the past. I will live in the present and look forward to what lies ahead.

I am excited. I will start anew. And I will make it good.

For now, adieu. 'Til we meet again.

Mngt 111 Evening Class

I love to end my work- day with them. I had fun. I hope they had fun, too.

My SDS Class

I will surely miss them. I'm leaving but it's not good bye :-)

Back from Retreat

My first experience of a formal retreat was on my last year in college. It was a requirement for graduation. I was very hesitant then.

In my first four years in college (mine is a five-year course), I was very detached from my classmates. There were only three classmates I was able to relate to. I was different, and they, too, acknowledged that. My concerns and priorities were not the same with theirs.

While most of them, if not all, centered their college lives on their studies, I practically majored in extra-curricular activities. I believed that it was my responsibility to give more of myself to others. I did not understand their lack of interest and indifference to school activities. I thought that they, too, did not understand me. And for that reason, I did not want to be with them.

But things changed during and after the retreat. I let them inside of me and more importantly, I allowed myself to get inside them and understand them. And it was then that I realized that while I was running away from them, they were always around - behind me and supporting me. They were very proud of me and of what I was doing.

I am very thankful for that opportunity given to me to appreciate them and build a better relationship with them. They have all become my friends and are now a big part of my life.

I never thought that I would experience another formal (required) meaningful retreat in my life. But retreat per se is something that I always do. I have ran away from home several times as a child but I was always found. Maybe because I wanted to be found in the first place.

In college, when academic and extra-curricular pressures got so heavy, I always found ways to leave for a while and go to places where I couldn't be reached. My parents seemed to understand (or they never knew because I told them I was going somewhere else for a school-related activity).

At the end of every retreat, I always felt so much better (or more confused).

Even now, in a way, I am having a retreat. I work and live in a place where I originally knew no one. This is because I also wanted to be alone.

I just got back from my second formal retreat. NDMU administrators, faculty and support services personnel had their retreat last September 3-4. One friend, a fellow educator, asked if the activity was necessary - that maybe the two days (three, including the travel) on retreat could be spent better on teaching our students. I wasn't able to answer his question at the time because such was not my concern.

For the past weeks, I had been looking forward to the retreat because it would be my first time in more than three months to leave the confines of my region. I will also get the chance to see former classmates who are reviewing in Davao, the venue of the retreat. I could rest my voice and be alone for a while.

Our retreat master, Bro. Joe, is an American Marist priest who is now on his 11th year here in the Philippines. He spoke to us in mixed English, Filipino and Bisaya. My greatest dream is to work as a missionary in Africa; and meeting Bro. Joe was very inspiring. He is more than 6o years old yet he was able to learn the Filipino language and Visayan dialect. I know now that I, too, could learn foreign languages.

I intended to leave in the evening of the first day to see my friends but I changed my mind after Bro. Joe's talk. He said that we all came there to spend two days of the year to be away from all forms of noise - our problems and pains, workloads and other responsibilities, etc. We went there to listen to the yearnings of our hearts and deepen our relationship with God and with ourselves. I stayed and decided to live up to the purpose of our retreat.

On my moments alone, I realized that I am like an empty cup, always thirsting for those which I do not have and for what I am lacking. And many times, the temptation was so great, yet my soul was empty.

I took time to reflect on what are the more important things in life - what I must fill my cup with and what I must pour out.

I was also able to reflect on my relationship with my family, friends, the people I work with, students, other people and God. I discerned what God is inviting me to do.

I let out all the negative emotions and pains. I accepted that it's now time to let go of the things and the people who are gone.

I wasn't able to stop tears from falling. I haven't cried for a while. It felt really good afterwards.

In answer to my friend's question, Yes, the two days spent on retreat were worth much. When I came back, I was somehow a better and more positive person. I can now give and share more to my students.

I believe that in one way or another, we all need to have a retreat even for a while.

Note: I can't wait for my next retreat. But it sure won't be a required one. I'll have it my way!

Free Merienda

Gosh, this is so nakakahiya. I got both free internet use and merienda today.

I've been in front of this computer for almost two hours (or more than two hours) already when Ma'am Bibing (that's what she was called by another teacher) invited me to join them in their merienda here at the Internet Lab.

I tried to refuse but she was very insistent. She even called my Zhy (with the "H" sound). I kinda like the way she said that.

I have so many nicknames here at NDMU. Dean Mendoza calls me Riza. Other co-teachers call me Raiz, Zey/Zei, Zai or Riz. My original nickname is Barbie. Okay, I have totally departed from the subject of this blog.

We had bread and bihon (just got back in front of this computer after a 20-minute break), which was bought by Miss Bingbing. I'll get her name from other sources later.

It's payday today so everyone is in a generous mood. I hope I finally get Erwin's promised durian(which is long overdue already).

Ciao. Time to log out (self-imposed).

Perfect Scores

I want my students to get perfect scores. A week before the examinations, I gave them individual and group review quizzes, hoping that this strategy will increase their chances of mastering the topics. Aside from review quizzes, I also scheduled consultations.

I give this assurance: my exam items were easy and had been discussed thoroughly in class. Yes, there were a few tricky questions; but if they would really analyze, they’d easily get them right.

I teach business subjects and all of them, in one way or another, are related to management. The first function of management is planning, which starts with setting goals and objectives. I constantly inspire my students to practice this and in the process, I, too, have set my goals.

And for this midterm exams, I was hoping (still am hoping) that many would get perfect scores. But now, it seems that such is too much to ask.

Six of my seven classes have already taken their exams. I have checked more than a hundred out of almost 300 papers on hand.

No perfect score yet. The highest score so far is 69 over 70. What's alarming is that some students got less than half of the total. I don't want to be disappointed or frustrated. I do not want negative feelings to rule over me.

Maybe perfect scores aren't so important. I don't think they mind not getting perfect. Many are actually satisfied with passing marks. So I better stop assuming that they feel the same way I do. Perfect scores (in minor subjects) ruled over my life when I was in college. I could never forgive myself then if I had mistakes.

Again, they are not me.

Still, I'm hoping that they be motivated to be serious in their studies - listen to discussions, read books/materials, set goals and achieve them, etc. And if they can, I hope that they get perfect in exams; if not this midterms, then in the finals.

Going Places

For two months, I've been waiting for an opportunity to engage in activities that entail going to other places, like how it was in my school years. And finally, this opportunity came yesterday - to go to a community in Lambayong, Sultan Kudarat to give out relief goods to the people who were victims of Typhoon Frank.

I have so much to say and share, yet I could not find the right words. Actually, I can try, but I have no enough time or energy for writing that story right now. I want to do the experience some justice so storytelling will have to wait.

I would not say that it was fun. No, it wasn't.... But it was certainly a moving and learning experience.

CBA Acquaintance Party: Thumbs Up!

More than a thousand students attended the College of Business Administration Acquaintance Party yesterday, July 19 at the NDMU Gymnasium.

The venue was very well-decorated and everything was just wonderful. Students were grouped, six in all, and were given group names which include a color and an animal. The color red was of course coupled with horse, gold with eagle and white with rabbit. Not very original but we were nevertheless amused.

There were interactive activities like dance showdown wherein all members of each group gathered in the center to dance, one group at a time. Members of the CBA Indak demonstrated the steps and the students followed.

The CBA Dean led the faculty in a showdown against the CBA Indak dancers. And the Faculty won! As judged by the students. It was not a showdown where the better dancers prevailed, I admit.... The final performance was the final and only practice. It was practically a follow-the-leader activity. But the students seemed to have fun so everyone was happy, which of course is the most important of all.

At times like this, when I am left alone with nothing to do but sit and look, although hundreds of people are around, my thoughts wander..... to the future, to the unknown. I travel to the deepest part of my heart and soul. And while the students partied, I wrote my stories (on my phone) until the battery drained....