Welcome 2009!!!

For many of us, the coming of the New Year is more than a change in number in our calendars. This is a time for changes in our life – turning away from bad habits, getting fat/thin, moving on from bad experiences, letting go of exes; basically, making resolutions. This is a time to welcome and hope for better things to come.

Predictions also add colors. I have yet to hear the prophecies of mystics and fortune-tellers. But I am not one who believes in what we call “hula.”

The past year had been a significant one. We witnessed and experienced many bad and wonderful events.

Typhoons hit many parts of our country. Ships sunk and many islands submerged. I personally witnessed the effect of typhoon Frank to the municipality of Lambayong in Sultan Kudarat.

When we thought that no economic threat could severely hit the world economy at this time and age, we were proven wrong. Many financial institutions declared bankruptcy. Even the strongest economies weakened. And of course, there is a domino effect.

On international politics, Barack Obama became the first African-American president of the United States of America. Truly, America and the entire world are making progress in the battle against racism and discrimination. We are all ready for deeper changes.

I hope I can say the same concerning the issues in our own country. But I still have faith in the Filipino people. I hope that we all make better decisions in the future. Let’s start now.

2008 was certainly the year of Pacman. He claimed three wins in three different divisions (the most popular was against dela Hoya), putting his name in a certain Hall of Fame. I’m a General. I can only be proud. And I am very proud!

The year 2008 had been the most colorful and dramatic year of my existence as well – all the drama was self-made, of course.

I played three different roles this year – a college student, a teacher and a CPA reviewee. I lived in three cities – General Santos, Koronadal and Manila.

After graduation, I thought that no friendship as great as the ones that I built with college friends would come into my life. Well, I was wrong. I tried to hibernate and stay away from people – for change (and solitude). But I was never meant to be alone. And I’m happy!

There were many meaningful learning experiences. Major decisions were made, many of which were questioned and opposed. I have no regrets.

And now, I happily welcome the coming of 2009.

A Decade After

So many things have gone wrong in my life. No, I shouldn't describe them as wrong, maybe just a little weird and not-so-normal, not-so-me. People who know me now probably would not have thought that I once aspired to become a visual artist. Because really, I don't draw or paint or do artistic stuff. I couldn't distinguish a masterpiece from a piece of junk.

Some ten years ago, I studied in an arts school funded by the national government. I was among the scholars of the country, many of them have become internationally and nationally acclaimed. As for me, I graduated with a degree in Accountancy - so very out of the arts league.

Why did I even qualify? I had good marks in the academic exams. I gave a good portfolio - awards and citations in school, division and regional levels. I delivered very well during the interview. All those compensated for the lack of inherent artistic skills.

My mother made me try everything - singing, dancing, drawing, writing, etc. I had my share of honor and glory in all those fields, but eventually, the truth came out that I'm a big fake. I'm not being hard on myself. I'm just being honest. I'm no artist. But I can do a lot. And at the top of my list of capabilities is: I can TALK endlessly. Ask me one question and I can give a very lengthy answer. In the end, you'd probably wish you never asked me.

With all those experiences and realizations, I'm not (and was never) frustrated. I'm actually happy that I experienced what I did. Now, I know what I can't be and what I want to be.

I have never told my stories for the one year that I spent at Philippine High School for the Arts. When I went home to GenSan for what is supposed to be just a summer vacation with my family, I never returned to PHSA. I couldn't be forced to. When asked at the time about my reasons, I wouldn't give any. It's like I wanted to block out everything that happened there. And I found it very easy to just forget.

There weren't any physical traumatic experience, contrary to the rumors at MSU (my new school) that I was raped.

I just felt tired and unhappy. I had friends but I knew that I didn't belong. At the age of 13, I had the courage to accept my limitations. I made a very big decision - to let go and move forward. There were others who waited to get ousted before they finally accepted what's coming.

I did not even say good-bye to my friends. The last time I saw them was 10 years ago. And I wouldn't know how to react if I'd see them now. We're all grown-ups; and strangers to each other. We don't share anything anymore. Seeing them would probably just make us uncomfortable. It's sad, really. But I'm still hoping that when time comes when we'd see each other, we can build something once again.

In my stay there, someone made my heart beat differently. And 10 years after, I still hold a piece of him in my heart. But I'm not hopeful anymore. So much has changed. Like I said, we have grown.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, I was able to see pictures of him. Tonight, after many years, I saw him again. And I'm happy to see him looking happy and very healthy. I may never see him in person anymore but I feel so much better knowing that he's well. And I will always have access to him. Haha. I hope I don't seem obsessed. Because I really am not. Right now, I'm just remembering and I feel like writing. I need a break from Accounting. So here's the output.

This is certainly the season to be happy and to reminisce. Happy holidays!!!

Essence of Christmas

This is the Christmas season. Christmas trees have been decorated. The sidewalks are filled with lights. The kids are singing christmas carols. We are having Christmas parties at work, in school, in the church and at home.

I have good memories of spending the yuletide season. There have always been plenty of food in our table, in our neighbors', friends' and relatives'. This is the best time of the year to eat, rejoice and not care about getting fat (care again in January).

I also get to receive many gifts that's why I always looked forward to Christmas. I have always thought that the gifts that I received were gifts for me. And why not, when they were bought specifically for me. The giver had me in mind when the gifts were chosen.

Christmas has always been that way - we give gifts to each other. It's part of the culture and tradition. But let us look deeper. What are we celebrating this Christmas? Is it about 'me' or 'you'? Because we get the gifts, then it must be about 'us.'

But it isn't. It's about Christ - it is the celebration of His birth. Then He must be the one who must be given gifts, right? This is something most of us, even I, have failed to understand. I don't say that we stop giving gifts to each other. Then I'll be such a kill-joy. But let us reassess the entire gift-giving thing.

Giving gifts is part of any birthday celebration. And on the celebration of the birth of our Savior, we do the same. By giving gifts to our fellow beings, we give gifts to Christ for He is always in us. And more than the physical and material things, let us give the best gifts - compassion, presence and love. Let us be a gift to other people. Then we are being a gift to Christ.

And most important of all, let us not limit our gift-giving during Christmas. Let us celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ everyday.

BuHay sA mAniLa

Lady EyebaGs. Ito ang mukha ng isang (nagpapanggap na) reviewee.

Sa araw na may Anti-Cha2x rally sa Makati. Niyaya ko ang housemates ko na maki-rally. Niyaya akong magbigay puri sa Diyos. Walang gustong sumama sa Makati. Pinagdasal ko na lang sila.

Araw ng Laban ni Pacquiao. Sa C.M. Recto, naghihintay ng FX patungong Valle Verde. Walang sasakyan sa kalye! Wala rin masyadong tao sa simbahan.

Laklakan sa Kalye Valencia. Naglalasing sa iced tea at pulutan ay pancit canton. Nahuli na ako kasi panggabi ang klase ko.

Night at Star City. Kasama sina kagandahang Wilter at student leaders mula NDMU.

Baguio tRip

At Mines View Park. Never mind the face, look at the view.

Okay ba? hehe.

At the Botanical Garden. Okay, so I toured Baguio with youngsters. Hehe. The next trip to Baguio won't be with kids.

Still at the Botanical Garden. With Grandma and Grandpa. Aba, cool ang lola ko.

At the Grotto. Hindi po naka-jeans si Mary. Hamak na AKO po 'yan.

At the Chinese Temple. Umuulan. I was so maarte kaya hanggang dito lang ako. The more beautiful sights ay nasa taas.

At Benguet Strawberry Farm. I was enjoying my strawberry when Jomel texted that they taste like guava. Eeew, and I realized, that yes, strawberry does taste like guava. Didn't touch one again. Arte naman!

Will be coming back to Baguio but never again in this season (November-February). I'm still suffering from colds. The more important thing is: I've been there. I won't crave much. I may come again, but not in the near future. Hehe. I've had enough.

BAGUIOscapade

Before getting serious (serious gid?!?) with the formal review at CPAR, I went to Baguio for a short vacation and to spend time with my father-dearest. This year's STEP (an event conducted by DepEd, where elementary and high school students compete in skill and technology-related competitions) was conducted there.

It's my first time in Baguio. It wasn't too meaningful though because I spent more time sleeping than sight-seeing.

At Mines View Park. This is my first time (or is it? I can't remember) to ride (or sit) on a horse.

Time is up. It's 12 midnight and the internet cafe is closing. I will post more pix and share more stories later. Ciao

MOVING OUT

I really should not be doing this. I only have five more days left here in GenSan to finish the yearbook which I don't think will really be finished. But it must be finished; or at least almost everything must be finished before I leave. There will be about 700 graduates who will come running after me; and of course, the teachers and administrators. Huhu. But this is not about my rantings regarding the yearbook.

Five more days and I can finally move on with my life - which means reviewing in Manila to hopefully get a CPA title. But it's really more than the title. It's about realizing my dreams and other people's dream for me. It's about having the desire to continually learn. It is accepting that I can serve better if I become a better person.

I have made promises like coming back after taking the board (assuming that I do pass). In my heart, that is what I want to do. Teaching was and still is my motivation in taking the board exam. I hope that I will have the courage to fight for this when the time comes.

This MIGHT be my last entry about very personal matters. I realized that this blog is so disorganized. I wrote about anything and everything. There is really nothing so wrong about that. But since I'm in another turning point in my life, I'd like to incorporate changes even in my blogging behavior. I will make a new blog about my travels, the people I meet/met, movies, books, learnings, etc. I hope to make my new account more entertaining to the readers (I will try hard).

So it's been five months of happy blogging. I'd like to extend my gratitude to those who positively contributed to this wonderful experience. Thanks! #

At the End of the Day

At the end of the day is the most used phrase in this year's National Debate Tournament, and perhaps in all debate tournaments in the past. Ladies and gentlemen would probably rank second.

I believe that I have heard more than a thousand At-the-end-of-the-days and Ladies-and-gentlemens in the past week. I don't think I can take some more. Please, no more.

Quite literally, the day (October 26) has just ended. It's past 12 midnight; and here I am, with JM, Hareil and Ryan in an internet cafe in Matina.

We're supposed to be "food-tripping", if there is such a word; while waiting for two o'clock to strike. Wilter, Rem and company are in a *** bar; and hopefully, they are enjoying (hehe).

After a week of debating (in their case) and vacation (for me), we're all finally going home. I miss home!!! Both GenSan and Marbel.

Going back to "food tripping", we ate at Mc Donald's and would probably eat again later at Jollibee. We have more than an hour to kill.

This had been a liberating experience. I realized that I have been confined in my small, secure world for a long time; where I had been the center (or among those who were in the center) of attention, glory and honors.

I got my taste of reality - learning that I'm just really a small fish in the ocean. There are lots of big ones.

I did not get intimidated. But there are a lot of positive realizations. And somehow, the fire that I thought has died is now burning once again. I know that I can still learn a lot and grow some more and more and more. At the end of the day, those are the most important.

Friends Forever

I read a blog post of Ate Edmee entitled Eight years of lasting friendship. It's been eight years since she and her friends first set foot at NDDU (then NDDC) to take up Accountancy. And now, eight years since that first day, they remain to be friends, even if miles separate them.

In my case, it's been more than five years; and gladly, I can say that we have remained to be friends and will remain to be such.

We are more than classmates (or former classmates). From each other, we learned the best lessons in life. We developed positive values. In a course where most students compete and pull each other down, we didn't; rather, we helped each other. We learned to become tolerant and understanding of different personalities. We developed relationships that are lasting.

The biggest day of our (or their) academic life has just passed - the day that we learned the results of the CPA Licensure Examinations. I thought (and they, too) that I will directly share this day with them for of course we were all expected to take the board this October. But only 12 of 18 took and I am one of the six who did not.

I may not have taken the board on the same date but I am with them in their happiness (for those who passed) and whatever else it is that they are feeling (for those who did not). The "result" day has passed and we made it through.

I am looking forward to seeing them. We will have a gathering this November. Members of Achtzen Virtus who remained in GenSan and those who reviewed in Manila and Davao will do our most favorite activity - overnight and videoke at London Beach.

Oh, but there is a problem (I haven't informed them yet because I remembered this just now)! London Beach is now closed. So we will have our gathering somewhere else.

And we might not be complete. Others won't be able to come because they want to be with themselves for now (you can guess why). Friends that we are, we understand.

We are all moving on, whatever the result for each taker is, and whether we took or not. Some will apply for auditing firms, others for private orgs and the rest will review.

But wherever the wind (or our feet) will take us, I know that we will be friends forever.

Adieu

It had been the most meaningful five months of my life, and I am very thankful for the experience.

I am leaving, but this is hopefully not good bye.

Teaching had been very therapeutic for me. I was so broken after graduation. I did not know how to go on with my life. I felt so inadequate - having wasted five years of my academic life. I could not let go of student activities, too. I had so many negative unprocessed emotions.

And now, I can say that I am well (maybe the word "cured" is too much to be used).

I don't want to think that once again, I had been selfish in making my decisions. Maybe I am selfish in the eyes of many, but I only listened to myself. And my selfishness is only temporary. This is for a selfless service in the future.

I will have to settle some things first before I can finally give the whole of me. I am young. I still have a lot to learn. I don't really have to hurry.

Events have always favored me despite my being spoiled and inconsistent. But things may not be the same from now on. I am ready for the consequences of my actions.

I wouldn't say though that I have nothing to blame but myself. Because from now on, blaming myself and others will not be part of my life anymore. Things simply happen, or they don't. I won't live in the ghosts of the past. I will live in the present and look forward to what lies ahead.

I am excited. I will start anew. And I will make it good.

For now, adieu. 'Til we meet again.