My Super Crush

Last month, I got hooked with the "Heroes" series. I'm done with the first three seasons and looking forward to the fourth. I heard about the series years ago. And the overwhelming response of the viewers. But since I claim to be against highly commercial shows, I chose not to be bothered. Well, changes. I'm now among the most avid fans.

And I met (as in met? hehe)my super crush Zachary, a.k.a. Sylar. He's supposed to be the villain in the show. But he's not. I claim that he's not. There are twists and turns. In the end, I know he will be a good guy (though he has killed a lot. huhu. violence can never be justified).

Check him out in the latest "Star Trek" movie. I was no fan of Star Trek. I am now. hehe. Ciao

Dropping by and Saying Hi!!!

Counting the days. Scared. Excited. More scared. In less than a month, I will face my biggest academic battle. This is heavier than the battle for graduation or maintaining grades during college. On May 10, I will only be a number - one out of some 4000 examinees who will take the board exams. I'm not favored. No more Mama and Ate to fight my battles. Or Sir Jet and Ma'am Tess to back me up. Doesn't count that Meng, Kris or Macky believe that I'm the best. Only me, the One-up-there and the preparation I had. Sadly, I can't bank on the latter.

Anyway, this is no time for regrets. No point for the what-I-could-have-done. Only to look forward positively and make the most of the very little time left. This is the greatest test of my character. In that respect, I intend to win, no matter what the result of the board exams is.

Funny. When I graduated, I thought I knew where I was going. The path was ahead. I only had to follow it. But now, my life is on hold. I will have to begin again. Start somewhere. I have a theory on this. It's called life syndrome. Hehe. Well, it's a wonderful life. I can only be happy. And hopefully, productive.

It ends here. For now.

Youngblood: A Sheep's Tale

I'm featuring my sister's essay which was published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last 03/07/2009.

Filed Under: Belief (Faith), Religion & Belief

I was born a Christian. My grandfather was a pioneering Methodist minister in the southern part of the Philippines. My father also served as vicar of a small community church for two years before he heeded a stronger calling and became a teacher.

As a kid, I enjoyed dressing up in my Sunday best, listening to Bible stories, and participating in children’s presentations on special occasions. But at the onset of my adolescent years, going to church suddenly became a burden, an unwanted responsibility rather than a joyful activity.

This was the stage of my life when I was fighting constantly with my mom, lying badly to my dad and acting indifferently to my younger siblings. Home wasn’t sweet for me.

Neither was school. I was barely passing the subjects I was taking. I was making more enemies than friends. I was among the least liked by my teachers. Most of the time, I was angry, drowning myself in self-pity and hating the world.

Then one late afternoon in school, I couldn’t get up from my seat. My legs had no strength. I had to be carried home.

The next day, I was diagnosed with a thyroid disease. My first thought was that I was being severely punished by God. I felt scared, vulnerable, lost. I felt dirty, ugly and sinful. I felt a strong need for answers, reassurance and restoration.

That was the turning point of my life. My mom guided me throughout the process. I was asking her questions about God. Was He quick to punish? Hard to please? Someone who keeps a list of my mistakes?

My mom reminded me of the stories I had heard when I was a child: about the birth and death of Jesus Christ, the Savior who came to pay for my sins with His own blood; the son of God who brought the promise of salvation to everyone who accepts Him as his personal Lord and Savior.

I was gripped with the desire to know more about this sacrifice. I started reading the Bible. I was enlightened, but daunted at the same time. Accepting Jesus in my life would mean I had to become like a salt of the earth — exemplifying His teachings and serving as a role model to others. How could a messed up 15-year-old do that?

On my own I couldn’t, my mom told me. But if I invited the spirit of God to live within me and if I put my complete trust in the Lord, I would not go astray.

I listened to my mother. I asked for the Holy Spirit and He was given to me.

My transformation surprised everyone who knew me during those dark times of my life. I became a youth leader in church. I finished at the top of my class. I made my family proud. By doing my best for God, He lifted me up. I didn’t always win, but losing didn’t feel bad. I trusted God.

Of course, there were still dark moments. In fact, I have just recently gotten out of a three-year “cooling off period” with my Savior. After such a fulfilling relationship with Him, I had allowed myself to wander and became unfaithful. I thought I could afford to break a few rules that He might not notice. And the few became many and my conscience started to bother me. I was miserable but I was guilty, and I allowed my guilt to widen the space between God and me. But the Lord was always holding on to me and I managed to swim back to His wide open arms.

I know the future will not be easy. There will always be times when I would lose my way. There will always be temptations that just wouldn’t go away. There will always be moments of doubt.

But I also know that I will always be led back to the right path, like a sheep found by my shepherd, my God.

Angeli Benette S. Pidut, 24, works as an auditor in Gibraltar.

Welcome 2009!!!

For many of us, the coming of the New Year is more than a change in number in our calendars. This is a time for changes in our life – turning away from bad habits, getting fat/thin, moving on from bad experiences, letting go of exes; basically, making resolutions. This is a time to welcome and hope for better things to come.

Predictions also add colors. I have yet to hear the prophecies of mystics and fortune-tellers. But I am not one who believes in what we call “hula.”

The past year had been a significant one. We witnessed and experienced many bad and wonderful events.

Typhoons hit many parts of our country. Ships sunk and many islands submerged. I personally witnessed the effect of typhoon Frank to the municipality of Lambayong in Sultan Kudarat.

When we thought that no economic threat could severely hit the world economy at this time and age, we were proven wrong. Many financial institutions declared bankruptcy. Even the strongest economies weakened. And of course, there is a domino effect.

On international politics, Barack Obama became the first African-American president of the United States of America. Truly, America and the entire world are making progress in the battle against racism and discrimination. We are all ready for deeper changes.

I hope I can say the same concerning the issues in our own country. But I still have faith in the Filipino people. I hope that we all make better decisions in the future. Let’s start now.

2008 was certainly the year of Pacman. He claimed three wins in three different divisions (the most popular was against dela Hoya), putting his name in a certain Hall of Fame. I’m a General. I can only be proud. And I am very proud!

The year 2008 had been the most colorful and dramatic year of my existence as well – all the drama was self-made, of course.

I played three different roles this year – a college student, a teacher and a CPA reviewee. I lived in three cities – General Santos, Koronadal and Manila.

After graduation, I thought that no friendship as great as the ones that I built with college friends would come into my life. Well, I was wrong. I tried to hibernate and stay away from people – for change (and solitude). But I was never meant to be alone. And I’m happy!

There were many meaningful learning experiences. Major decisions were made, many of which were questioned and opposed. I have no regrets.

And now, I happily welcome the coming of 2009.

A Decade After

So many things have gone wrong in my life. No, I shouldn't describe them as wrong, maybe just a little weird and not-so-normal, not-so-me. People who know me now probably would not have thought that I once aspired to become a visual artist. Because really, I don't draw or paint or do artistic stuff. I couldn't distinguish a masterpiece from a piece of junk.

Some ten years ago, I studied in an arts school funded by the national government. I was among the scholars of the country, many of them have become internationally and nationally acclaimed. As for me, I graduated with a degree in Accountancy - so very out of the arts league.

Why did I even qualify? I had good marks in the academic exams. I gave a good portfolio - awards and citations in school, division and regional levels. I delivered very well during the interview. All those compensated for the lack of inherent artistic skills.

My mother made me try everything - singing, dancing, drawing, writing, etc. I had my share of honor and glory in all those fields, but eventually, the truth came out that I'm a big fake. I'm not being hard on myself. I'm just being honest. I'm no artist. But I can do a lot. And at the top of my list of capabilities is: I can TALK endlessly. Ask me one question and I can give a very lengthy answer. In the end, you'd probably wish you never asked me.

With all those experiences and realizations, I'm not (and was never) frustrated. I'm actually happy that I experienced what I did. Now, I know what I can't be and what I want to be.

I have never told my stories for the one year that I spent at Philippine High School for the Arts. When I went home to GenSan for what is supposed to be just a summer vacation with my family, I never returned to PHSA. I couldn't be forced to. When asked at the time about my reasons, I wouldn't give any. It's like I wanted to block out everything that happened there. And I found it very easy to just forget.

There weren't any physical traumatic experience, contrary to the rumors at MSU (my new school) that I was raped.

I just felt tired and unhappy. I had friends but I knew that I didn't belong. At the age of 13, I had the courage to accept my limitations. I made a very big decision - to let go and move forward. There were others who waited to get ousted before they finally accepted what's coming.

I did not even say good-bye to my friends. The last time I saw them was 10 years ago. And I wouldn't know how to react if I'd see them now. We're all grown-ups; and strangers to each other. We don't share anything anymore. Seeing them would probably just make us uncomfortable. It's sad, really. But I'm still hoping that when time comes when we'd see each other, we can build something once again.

In my stay there, someone made my heart beat differently. And 10 years after, I still hold a piece of him in my heart. But I'm not hopeful anymore. So much has changed. Like I said, we have grown.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, I was able to see pictures of him. Tonight, after many years, I saw him again. And I'm happy to see him looking happy and very healthy. I may never see him in person anymore but I feel so much better knowing that he's well. And I will always have access to him. Haha. I hope I don't seem obsessed. Because I really am not. Right now, I'm just remembering and I feel like writing. I need a break from Accounting. So here's the output.

This is certainly the season to be happy and to reminisce. Happy holidays!!!

Essence of Christmas

This is the Christmas season. Christmas trees have been decorated. The sidewalks are filled with lights. The kids are singing christmas carols. We are having Christmas parties at work, in school, in the church and at home.

I have good memories of spending the yuletide season. There have always been plenty of food in our table, in our neighbors', friends' and relatives'. This is the best time of the year to eat, rejoice and not care about getting fat (care again in January).

I also get to receive many gifts that's why I always looked forward to Christmas. I have always thought that the gifts that I received were gifts for me. And why not, when they were bought specifically for me. The giver had me in mind when the gifts were chosen.

Christmas has always been that way - we give gifts to each other. It's part of the culture and tradition. But let us look deeper. What are we celebrating this Christmas? Is it about 'me' or 'you'? Because we get the gifts, then it must be about 'us.'

But it isn't. It's about Christ - it is the celebration of His birth. Then He must be the one who must be given gifts, right? This is something most of us, even I, have failed to understand. I don't say that we stop giving gifts to each other. Then I'll be such a kill-joy. But let us reassess the entire gift-giving thing.

Giving gifts is part of any birthday celebration. And on the celebration of the birth of our Savior, we do the same. By giving gifts to our fellow beings, we give gifts to Christ for He is always in us. And more than the physical and material things, let us give the best gifts - compassion, presence and love. Let us be a gift to other people. Then we are being a gift to Christ.

And most important of all, let us not limit our gift-giving during Christmas. Let us celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ everyday.

BuHay sA mAniLa

Lady EyebaGs. Ito ang mukha ng isang (nagpapanggap na) reviewee.

Sa araw na may Anti-Cha2x rally sa Makati. Niyaya ko ang housemates ko na maki-rally. Niyaya akong magbigay puri sa Diyos. Walang gustong sumama sa Makati. Pinagdasal ko na lang sila.

Araw ng Laban ni Pacquiao. Sa C.M. Recto, naghihintay ng FX patungong Valle Verde. Walang sasakyan sa kalye! Wala rin masyadong tao sa simbahan.

Laklakan sa Kalye Valencia. Naglalasing sa iced tea at pulutan ay pancit canton. Nahuli na ako kasi panggabi ang klase ko.

Night at Star City. Kasama sina kagandahang Wilter at student leaders mula NDMU.

Baguio tRip

At Mines View Park. Never mind the face, look at the view.

Okay ba? hehe.

At the Botanical Garden. Okay, so I toured Baguio with youngsters. Hehe. The next trip to Baguio won't be with kids.

Still at the Botanical Garden. With Grandma and Grandpa. Aba, cool ang lola ko.

At the Grotto. Hindi po naka-jeans si Mary. Hamak na AKO po 'yan.

At the Chinese Temple. Umuulan. I was so maarte kaya hanggang dito lang ako. The more beautiful sights ay nasa taas.

At Benguet Strawberry Farm. I was enjoying my strawberry when Jomel texted that they taste like guava. Eeew, and I realized, that yes, strawberry does taste like guava. Didn't touch one again. Arte naman!

Will be coming back to Baguio but never again in this season (November-February). I'm still suffering from colds. The more important thing is: I've been there. I won't crave much. I may come again, but not in the near future. Hehe. I've had enough.

BAGUIOscapade

Before getting serious (serious gid?!?) with the formal review at CPAR, I went to Baguio for a short vacation and to spend time with my father-dearest. This year's STEP (an event conducted by DepEd, where elementary and high school students compete in skill and technology-related competitions) was conducted there.

It's my first time in Baguio. It wasn't too meaningful though because I spent more time sleeping than sight-seeing.

At Mines View Park. This is my first time (or is it? I can't remember) to ride (or sit) on a horse.

Time is up. It's 12 midnight and the internet cafe is closing. I will post more pix and share more stories later. Ciao

MOVING OUT

I really should not be doing this. I only have five more days left here in GenSan to finish the yearbook which I don't think will really be finished. But it must be finished; or at least almost everything must be finished before I leave. There will be about 700 graduates who will come running after me; and of course, the teachers and administrators. Huhu. But this is not about my rantings regarding the yearbook.

Five more days and I can finally move on with my life - which means reviewing in Manila to hopefully get a CPA title. But it's really more than the title. It's about realizing my dreams and other people's dream for me. It's about having the desire to continually learn. It is accepting that I can serve better if I become a better person.

I have made promises like coming back after taking the board (assuming that I do pass). In my heart, that is what I want to do. Teaching was and still is my motivation in taking the board exam. I hope that I will have the courage to fight for this when the time comes.

This MIGHT be my last entry about very personal matters. I realized that this blog is so disorganized. I wrote about anything and everything. There is really nothing so wrong about that. But since I'm in another turning point in my life, I'd like to incorporate changes even in my blogging behavior. I will make a new blog about my travels, the people I meet/met, movies, books, learnings, etc. I hope to make my new account more entertaining to the readers (I will try hard).

So it's been five months of happy blogging. I'd like to extend my gratitude to those who positively contributed to this wonderful experience. Thanks! #