Welcome 2009!!!

For many of us, the coming of the New Year is more than a change in number in our calendars. This is a time for changes in our life – turning away from bad habits, getting fat/thin, moving on from bad experiences, letting go of exes; basically, making resolutions. This is a time to welcome and hope for better things to come.

Predictions also add colors. I have yet to hear the prophecies of mystics and fortune-tellers. But I am not one who believes in what we call “hula.”

The past year had been a significant one. We witnessed and experienced many bad and wonderful events.

Typhoons hit many parts of our country. Ships sunk and many islands submerged. I personally witnessed the effect of typhoon Frank to the municipality of Lambayong in Sultan Kudarat.

When we thought that no economic threat could severely hit the world economy at this time and age, we were proven wrong. Many financial institutions declared bankruptcy. Even the strongest economies weakened. And of course, there is a domino effect.

On international politics, Barack Obama became the first African-American president of the United States of America. Truly, America and the entire world are making progress in the battle against racism and discrimination. We are all ready for deeper changes.

I hope I can say the same concerning the issues in our own country. But I still have faith in the Filipino people. I hope that we all make better decisions in the future. Let’s start now.

2008 was certainly the year of Pacman. He claimed three wins in three different divisions (the most popular was against dela Hoya), putting his name in a certain Hall of Fame. I’m a General. I can only be proud. And I am very proud!

The year 2008 had been the most colorful and dramatic year of my existence as well – all the drama was self-made, of course.

I played three different roles this year – a college student, a teacher and a CPA reviewee. I lived in three cities – General Santos, Koronadal and Manila.

After graduation, I thought that no friendship as great as the ones that I built with college friends would come into my life. Well, I was wrong. I tried to hibernate and stay away from people – for change (and solitude). But I was never meant to be alone. And I’m happy!

There were many meaningful learning experiences. Major decisions were made, many of which were questioned and opposed. I have no regrets.

And now, I happily welcome the coming of 2009.

A Decade After

So many things have gone wrong in my life. No, I shouldn't describe them as wrong, maybe just a little weird and not-so-normal, not-so-me. People who know me now probably would not have thought that I once aspired to become a visual artist. Because really, I don't draw or paint or do artistic stuff. I couldn't distinguish a masterpiece from a piece of junk.

Some ten years ago, I studied in an arts school funded by the national government. I was among the scholars of the country, many of them have become internationally and nationally acclaimed. As for me, I graduated with a degree in Accountancy - so very out of the arts league.

Why did I even qualify? I had good marks in the academic exams. I gave a good portfolio - awards and citations in school, division and regional levels. I delivered very well during the interview. All those compensated for the lack of inherent artistic skills.

My mother made me try everything - singing, dancing, drawing, writing, etc. I had my share of honor and glory in all those fields, but eventually, the truth came out that I'm a big fake. I'm not being hard on myself. I'm just being honest. I'm no artist. But I can do a lot. And at the top of my list of capabilities is: I can TALK endlessly. Ask me one question and I can give a very lengthy answer. In the end, you'd probably wish you never asked me.

With all those experiences and realizations, I'm not (and was never) frustrated. I'm actually happy that I experienced what I did. Now, I know what I can't be and what I want to be.

I have never told my stories for the one year that I spent at Philippine High School for the Arts. When I went home to GenSan for what is supposed to be just a summer vacation with my family, I never returned to PHSA. I couldn't be forced to. When asked at the time about my reasons, I wouldn't give any. It's like I wanted to block out everything that happened there. And I found it very easy to just forget.

There weren't any physical traumatic experience, contrary to the rumors at MSU (my new school) that I was raped.

I just felt tired and unhappy. I had friends but I knew that I didn't belong. At the age of 13, I had the courage to accept my limitations. I made a very big decision - to let go and move forward. There were others who waited to get ousted before they finally accepted what's coming.

I did not even say good-bye to my friends. The last time I saw them was 10 years ago. And I wouldn't know how to react if I'd see them now. We're all grown-ups; and strangers to each other. We don't share anything anymore. Seeing them would probably just make us uncomfortable. It's sad, really. But I'm still hoping that when time comes when we'd see each other, we can build something once again.

In my stay there, someone made my heart beat differently. And 10 years after, I still hold a piece of him in my heart. But I'm not hopeful anymore. So much has changed. Like I said, we have grown.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, I was able to see pictures of him. Tonight, after many years, I saw him again. And I'm happy to see him looking happy and very healthy. I may never see him in person anymore but I feel so much better knowing that he's well. And I will always have access to him. Haha. I hope I don't seem obsessed. Because I really am not. Right now, I'm just remembering and I feel like writing. I need a break from Accounting. So here's the output.

This is certainly the season to be happy and to reminisce. Happy holidays!!!

Essence of Christmas

This is the Christmas season. Christmas trees have been decorated. The sidewalks are filled with lights. The kids are singing christmas carols. We are having Christmas parties at work, in school, in the church and at home.

I have good memories of spending the yuletide season. There have always been plenty of food in our table, in our neighbors', friends' and relatives'. This is the best time of the year to eat, rejoice and not care about getting fat (care again in January).

I also get to receive many gifts that's why I always looked forward to Christmas. I have always thought that the gifts that I received were gifts for me. And why not, when they were bought specifically for me. The giver had me in mind when the gifts were chosen.

Christmas has always been that way - we give gifts to each other. It's part of the culture and tradition. But let us look deeper. What are we celebrating this Christmas? Is it about 'me' or 'you'? Because we get the gifts, then it must be about 'us.'

But it isn't. It's about Christ - it is the celebration of His birth. Then He must be the one who must be given gifts, right? This is something most of us, even I, have failed to understand. I don't say that we stop giving gifts to each other. Then I'll be such a kill-joy. But let us reassess the entire gift-giving thing.

Giving gifts is part of any birthday celebration. And on the celebration of the birth of our Savior, we do the same. By giving gifts to our fellow beings, we give gifts to Christ for He is always in us. And more than the physical and material things, let us give the best gifts - compassion, presence and love. Let us be a gift to other people. Then we are being a gift to Christ.

And most important of all, let us not limit our gift-giving during Christmas. Let us celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ everyday.

BuHay sA mAniLa

Lady EyebaGs. Ito ang mukha ng isang (nagpapanggap na) reviewee.

Sa araw na may Anti-Cha2x rally sa Makati. Niyaya ko ang housemates ko na maki-rally. Niyaya akong magbigay puri sa Diyos. Walang gustong sumama sa Makati. Pinagdasal ko na lang sila.

Araw ng Laban ni Pacquiao. Sa C.M. Recto, naghihintay ng FX patungong Valle Verde. Walang sasakyan sa kalye! Wala rin masyadong tao sa simbahan.

Laklakan sa Kalye Valencia. Naglalasing sa iced tea at pulutan ay pancit canton. Nahuli na ako kasi panggabi ang klase ko.

Night at Star City. Kasama sina kagandahang Wilter at student leaders mula NDMU.

Baguio tRip

At Mines View Park. Never mind the face, look at the view.

Okay ba? hehe.

At the Botanical Garden. Okay, so I toured Baguio with youngsters. Hehe. The next trip to Baguio won't be with kids.

Still at the Botanical Garden. With Grandma and Grandpa. Aba, cool ang lola ko.

At the Grotto. Hindi po naka-jeans si Mary. Hamak na AKO po 'yan.

At the Chinese Temple. Umuulan. I was so maarte kaya hanggang dito lang ako. The more beautiful sights ay nasa taas.

At Benguet Strawberry Farm. I was enjoying my strawberry when Jomel texted that they taste like guava. Eeew, and I realized, that yes, strawberry does taste like guava. Didn't touch one again. Arte naman!

Will be coming back to Baguio but never again in this season (November-February). I'm still suffering from colds. The more important thing is: I've been there. I won't crave much. I may come again, but not in the near future. Hehe. I've had enough.

BAGUIOscapade

Before getting serious (serious gid?!?) with the formal review at CPAR, I went to Baguio for a short vacation and to spend time with my father-dearest. This year's STEP (an event conducted by DepEd, where elementary and high school students compete in skill and technology-related competitions) was conducted there.

It's my first time in Baguio. It wasn't too meaningful though because I spent more time sleeping than sight-seeing.

At Mines View Park. This is my first time (or is it? I can't remember) to ride (or sit) on a horse.

Time is up. It's 12 midnight and the internet cafe is closing. I will post more pix and share more stories later. Ciao

MOVING OUT

I really should not be doing this. I only have five more days left here in GenSan to finish the yearbook which I don't think will really be finished. But it must be finished; or at least almost everything must be finished before I leave. There will be about 700 graduates who will come running after me; and of course, the teachers and administrators. Huhu. But this is not about my rantings regarding the yearbook.

Five more days and I can finally move on with my life - which means reviewing in Manila to hopefully get a CPA title. But it's really more than the title. It's about realizing my dreams and other people's dream for me. It's about having the desire to continually learn. It is accepting that I can serve better if I become a better person.

I have made promises like coming back after taking the board (assuming that I do pass). In my heart, that is what I want to do. Teaching was and still is my motivation in taking the board exam. I hope that I will have the courage to fight for this when the time comes.

This MIGHT be my last entry about very personal matters. I realized that this blog is so disorganized. I wrote about anything and everything. There is really nothing so wrong about that. But since I'm in another turning point in my life, I'd like to incorporate changes even in my blogging behavior. I will make a new blog about my travels, the people I meet/met, movies, books, learnings, etc. I hope to make my new account more entertaining to the readers (I will try hard).

So it's been five months of happy blogging. I'd like to extend my gratitude to those who positively contributed to this wonderful experience. Thanks! #

At the End of the Day

At the end of the day is the most used phrase in this year's National Debate Tournament, and perhaps in all debate tournaments in the past. Ladies and gentlemen would probably rank second.

I believe that I have heard more than a thousand At-the-end-of-the-days and Ladies-and-gentlemens in the past week. I don't think I can take some more. Please, no more.

Quite literally, the day (October 26) has just ended. It's past 12 midnight; and here I am, with JM, Hareil and Ryan in an internet cafe in Matina.

We're supposed to be "food-tripping", if there is such a word; while waiting for two o'clock to strike. Wilter, Rem and company are in a *** bar; and hopefully, they are enjoying (hehe).

After a week of debating (in their case) and vacation (for me), we're all finally going home. I miss home!!! Both GenSan and Marbel.

Going back to "food tripping", we ate at Mc Donald's and would probably eat again later at Jollibee. We have more than an hour to kill.

This had been a liberating experience. I realized that I have been confined in my small, secure world for a long time; where I had been the center (or among those who were in the center) of attention, glory and honors.

I got my taste of reality - learning that I'm just really a small fish in the ocean. There are lots of big ones.

I did not get intimidated. But there are a lot of positive realizations. And somehow, the fire that I thought has died is now burning once again. I know that I can still learn a lot and grow some more and more and more. At the end of the day, those are the most important.

Friends Forever

I read a blog post of Ate Edmee entitled Eight years of lasting friendship. It's been eight years since she and her friends first set foot at NDDU (then NDDC) to take up Accountancy. And now, eight years since that first day, they remain to be friends, even if miles separate them.

In my case, it's been more than five years; and gladly, I can say that we have remained to be friends and will remain to be such.

We are more than classmates (or former classmates). From each other, we learned the best lessons in life. We developed positive values. In a course where most students compete and pull each other down, we didn't; rather, we helped each other. We learned to become tolerant and understanding of different personalities. We developed relationships that are lasting.

The biggest day of our (or their) academic life has just passed - the day that we learned the results of the CPA Licensure Examinations. I thought (and they, too) that I will directly share this day with them for of course we were all expected to take the board this October. But only 12 of 18 took and I am one of the six who did not.

I may not have taken the board on the same date but I am with them in their happiness (for those who passed) and whatever else it is that they are feeling (for those who did not). The "result" day has passed and we made it through.

I am looking forward to seeing them. We will have a gathering this November. Members of Achtzen Virtus who remained in GenSan and those who reviewed in Manila and Davao will do our most favorite activity - overnight and videoke at London Beach.

Oh, but there is a problem (I haven't informed them yet because I remembered this just now)! London Beach is now closed. So we will have our gathering somewhere else.

And we might not be complete. Others won't be able to come because they want to be with themselves for now (you can guess why). Friends that we are, we understand.

We are all moving on, whatever the result for each taker is, and whether we took or not. Some will apply for auditing firms, others for private orgs and the rest will review.

But wherever the wind (or our feet) will take us, I know that we will be friends forever.

Adieu

It had been the most meaningful five months of my life, and I am very thankful for the experience.

I am leaving, but this is hopefully not good bye.

Teaching had been very therapeutic for me. I was so broken after graduation. I did not know how to go on with my life. I felt so inadequate - having wasted five years of my academic life. I could not let go of student activities, too. I had so many negative unprocessed emotions.

And now, I can say that I am well (maybe the word "cured" is too much to be used).

I don't want to think that once again, I had been selfish in making my decisions. Maybe I am selfish in the eyes of many, but I only listened to myself. And my selfishness is only temporary. This is for a selfless service in the future.

I will have to settle some things first before I can finally give the whole of me. I am young. I still have a lot to learn. I don't really have to hurry.

Events have always favored me despite my being spoiled and inconsistent. But things may not be the same from now on. I am ready for the consequences of my actions.

I wouldn't say though that I have nothing to blame but myself. Because from now on, blaming myself and others will not be part of my life anymore. Things simply happen, or they don't. I won't live in the ghosts of the past. I will live in the present and look forward to what lies ahead.

I am excited. I will start anew. And I will make it good.

For now, adieu. 'Til we meet again.

Mngt 111 Evening Class

I love to end my work- day with them. I had fun. I hope they had fun, too.

My SDS Class

I will surely miss them. I'm leaving but it's not good bye :-)

Untold Stories

Doraemon and I. Hehe. After my excessive pangungulit, Eric finally sent me these edited pictures (photoshop creations, or whatever they're called). Thanks Rik!

The title may not reflect literally the pictures in this post. But yes, there are untold stories behind them. And they will remain untold...

Back from Retreat

My first experience of a formal retreat was on my last year in college. It was a requirement for graduation. I was very hesitant then.

In my first four years in college (mine is a five-year course), I was very detached from my classmates. There were only three classmates I was able to relate to. I was different, and they, too, acknowledged that. My concerns and priorities were not the same with theirs.

While most of them, if not all, centered their college lives on their studies, I practically majored in extra-curricular activities. I believed that it was my responsibility to give more of myself to others. I did not understand their lack of interest and indifference to school activities. I thought that they, too, did not understand me. And for that reason, I did not want to be with them.

But things changed during and after the retreat. I let them inside of me and more importantly, I allowed myself to get inside them and understand them. And it was then that I realized that while I was running away from them, they were always around - behind me and supporting me. They were very proud of me and of what I was doing.

I am very thankful for that opportunity given to me to appreciate them and build a better relationship with them. They have all become my friends and are now a big part of my life.

I never thought that I would experience another formal (required) meaningful retreat in my life. But retreat per se is something that I always do. I have ran away from home several times as a child but I was always found. Maybe because I wanted to be found in the first place.

In college, when academic and extra-curricular pressures got so heavy, I always found ways to leave for a while and go to places where I couldn't be reached. My parents seemed to understand (or they never knew because I told them I was going somewhere else for a school-related activity).

At the end of every retreat, I always felt so much better (or more confused).

Even now, in a way, I am having a retreat. I work and live in a place where I originally knew no one. This is because I also wanted to be alone.

I just got back from my second formal retreat. NDMU administrators, faculty and support services personnel had their retreat last September 3-4. One friend, a fellow educator, asked if the activity was necessary - that maybe the two days (three, including the travel) on retreat could be spent better on teaching our students. I wasn't able to answer his question at the time because such was not my concern.

For the past weeks, I had been looking forward to the retreat because it would be my first time in more than three months to leave the confines of my region. I will also get the chance to see former classmates who are reviewing in Davao, the venue of the retreat. I could rest my voice and be alone for a while.

Our retreat master, Bro. Joe, is an American Marist priest who is now on his 11th year here in the Philippines. He spoke to us in mixed English, Filipino and Bisaya. My greatest dream is to work as a missionary in Africa; and meeting Bro. Joe was very inspiring. He is more than 6o years old yet he was able to learn the Filipino language and Visayan dialect. I know now that I, too, could learn foreign languages.

I intended to leave in the evening of the first day to see my friends but I changed my mind after Bro. Joe's talk. He said that we all came there to spend two days of the year to be away from all forms of noise - our problems and pains, workloads and other responsibilities, etc. We went there to listen to the yearnings of our hearts and deepen our relationship with God and with ourselves. I stayed and decided to live up to the purpose of our retreat.

On my moments alone, I realized that I am like an empty cup, always thirsting for those which I do not have and for what I am lacking. And many times, the temptation was so great, yet my soul was empty.

I took time to reflect on what are the more important things in life - what I must fill my cup with and what I must pour out.

I was also able to reflect on my relationship with my family, friends, the people I work with, students, other people and God. I discerned what God is inviting me to do.

I let out all the negative emotions and pains. I accepted that it's now time to let go of the things and the people who are gone.

I wasn't able to stop tears from falling. I haven't cried for a while. It felt really good afterwards.

In answer to my friend's question, Yes, the two days spent on retreat were worth much. When I came back, I was somehow a better and more positive person. I can now give and share more to my students.

I believe that in one way or another, we all need to have a retreat even for a while.

Note: I can't wait for my next retreat. But it sure won't be a required one. I'll have it my way!

Retreat!

I have been longing for this moment. I need this now more than ever. I'm having a retreat! This is not really of my choosing but a scheduled activity of the school for its personnel, faculty and administrators.

I believe that we all have to take retreats once in a while. I'm such a retreat freak. Every time I feel like hiding from people, I always find a way to go to far-off places and do this thing called "soul-searching." I used this term a lot in my many past escapades and I always got corrected. You really could not search for your soul. It's been there all along. Fine. So I will find what's inside my soul. Hehe. Gosh, am I making sense.

I don't have a problem really. Just that I need time off from everything. I'd also like to take this opportunity to go out; see other places, other people and more.

And yes, see my former classmates in Davao. I originally signed in for the Lake Sebu venue but I later changed my mind. Aside from wanting to see my classmates, I am also running away from someone who will have his/her retreat at Lake Sebu. There, I'm hitting two birds with one stone.

I'm so looking forward to this. I will have time for and with myself (as if I didn't have that to start with). This will be a vacation from talking!! I don't want to talk anymore, but the nature of my job requires me to. And even though I claim to dislike talking, it's my nature to talk! I'm again beginning to be inconsistent.

I'll share my retreat story when I get back.

Ciao. Have fun everyone!

Happy at 22

I attended the GRP-MILF symposium on present issues last Friday. I said (and wrote in my previous post) that I will relive the days of meaningful journalism. But only minutes after I took a seat to listen to the speaker, I could not anymore contain my impatience. I'm a poor listener and I easily get sleepy. The inevitable happened - I left and slept at the Faculty Lounge. I decided that I would not blog again until I have this one good relevant post regarding social issues.

But here I am, without a post on social issues (specifically on the events here in Mindanao) because I have no understanding of the issue. I am not making good a promise. But this is for a very special reason - I'm in Youngblood today! In the August 26, 2008 issue.

I would like to say that I'm floating. But that is not really what I feel. I am happy, just simply happy.

It had been my dream when I was in high school to write for Youngblood. It remained a dream because I never really submitted anything. I had a lot of stories but I did not have the courage and the confidence. I thought that Youngblood is only for the good creative writers. And I was no creative writer (and I don't consider myself a creative writer even now). Yes, I wrote for my publications in my elementary, secondary and tertiary years - but only news articles and sometimes, editorial, but always from a third person point of view.

Youngblood way of writing just isn't my way.

I stopped patronizing Youngblood during college. Maybe it was my defense mechanism because I knew that I would never realize my dream.

So why am I in Youngblood?

Because I learned that Youngblood contributors are not gods. Just like me and everyone else, they are people here on earth. We share the same space and breathe the same air. They have life experiences - happy and sad; and they, too, are not perfect. I now believe that there is only one qualification in order to be part of Youngblood - you must have a story to tell. And we have a lot of stories to share! Therefore, we can all write for Youngblood.

Youngblood is not as high as I thought it was.

I have always been insecure as a writer. This insecurity is manifested even in this Blog. I knew that I have limitations. I had more posts months ago than recently. When I realized that fellow writers read and have read my posts, I became conscious, thus, I stopped writing. This YB experience somehow gave me assurance that my writing is not so bad.

I don't want to make a big deal out of this. But come on, this is a dream come true! So for me, this is somehow big. Hehe.

And many will not escape my thanks!

• Jude - the guy who gave me the idea that Youngblood is within reach. Thanks for encouraging me, although you may not be aware of it :-)
• Ate and Eric - Guys, nauna ako sa inyo!!! Kayo rin ha. I had my first experience of YB through them. They were and still are avid fans of it. They cut articles from Inquirer that's why the articles were always available for my consumption.
• Mama - for believing in whatever I do, whether I'm good at them or not. Imagine, she actually believes that I'm a good singer and dancer! But then, she's a mother. She would believe in anything.
• Papa - well, he's not really a fan of a "me-myself-and-I" way of writing. He would probably not consider my article a journalistic piece. But thanks for the genes anyway, hehe.
• Bro Willy and the people who inspired me to live a Marist life and commit myself to service.
• Fans and supporters - especially Menardo, Ma'am Tess, Sir Jet, VOICE (2003-2006), VOX and SSG pipol, former classmates, dearest friends, etc.
• Journalism mentors - Mama, Ma'am Badet, Sir Gilbert, etc.
• And yeah, my two most favored stuffed toys - Emmy and Rolly, for the companionship and loyalty.

Oh, I almost forgot. I celebrated my 22nd birthday three (3) days ago and this is the best gift I have received. In a lunch with friends, I was asked what my birthday wish was. And I said this: I want to have an article of mine published in Youngblood. Of everything I could have wished and asked for at the moment, this had been my answer. And yes, it was given. Thanks :-)

Note: I'm not sure if I'm really on Youngblood. I was informed through text by both Jude and Bro Willy, but the August 26 issue of the newspaper is not available at the Library and the latest YB article on Inquirer.net is dated August 23. There is still the possibility that I reacted too early. Hehe. Hopefully, this is not a joke.

Changes in my Blog

I have done some self-assessment lately and I realized how self-centered I had been. This trait is even reflected in my blogs. This site had become an exclusive "Me-Myself-and-I" account. I won't stop writing about my reflections and personal stories but they will be posted in http://zeareflect.blogspot.com/. This blog, which is my primary account, will be for the more meaningful and relevant articles on social issues.

Our country is in the midst of financial, political, economic, spiritual and all other forms of disorder. And what have I written or said about all these? None. I had been passive and non-committal. I'm not really expected to directly contribute in making things better but I know that I should at least react or anything.

This afternoon, I will attend a talk on understanding the GRP-MILF going-ons. See, I don't even know what the "going-ons" actually mean. I don't think I will understand everything in a two-hour symposium, but it's a start.

I will try to relive the good days of meaningful journalism.

Losing and (Hopefully) Finding Myself

Am I lost? Not literally. But I feel so lost.

I couldn't write. I don't want to read. I have sleeping problems. I again start to question things. I'm so bored. Yes, I still like what I'm doing. I don't think quitting is an option. It's just that I want more but I don't know what the "more" means.

Maybe I ask a lot from myself. Maybe I think a lot. Maybe I'm ok. Maybe I'm not.

And many more maybes.

Or maybe I like the idea of being like this. Because I'm bored. Whatever. Anyway, I won't blog for a while. I'm drained. And I want to try doing other things. Jeez, I'm so inconsistent.

Be happy everyone! Or try to be. Whatever.

Ciao. For now

Free Merienda

Gosh, this is so nakakahiya. I got both free internet use and merienda today.

I've been in front of this computer for almost two hours (or more than two hours) already when Ma'am Bibing (that's what she was called by another teacher) invited me to join them in their merienda here at the Internet Lab.

I tried to refuse but she was very insistent. She even called my Zhy (with the "H" sound). I kinda like the way she said that.

I have so many nicknames here at NDMU. Dean Mendoza calls me Riza. Other co-teachers call me Raiz, Zey/Zei, Zai or Riz. My original nickname is Barbie. Okay, I have totally departed from the subject of this blog.

We had bread and bihon (just got back in front of this computer after a 20-minute break), which was bought by Miss Bingbing. I'll get her name from other sources later.

It's payday today so everyone is in a generous mood. I hope I finally get Erwin's promised durian(which is long overdue already).

Ciao. Time to log out (self-imposed).

Perfect Scores

I want my students to get perfect scores. A week before the examinations, I gave them individual and group review quizzes, hoping that this strategy will increase their chances of mastering the topics. Aside from review quizzes, I also scheduled consultations.

I give this assurance: my exam items were easy and had been discussed thoroughly in class. Yes, there were a few tricky questions; but if they would really analyze, they’d easily get them right.

I teach business subjects and all of them, in one way or another, are related to management. The first function of management is planning, which starts with setting goals and objectives. I constantly inspire my students to practice this and in the process, I, too, have set my goals.

And for this midterm exams, I was hoping (still am hoping) that many would get perfect scores. But now, it seems that such is too much to ask.

Six of my seven classes have already taken their exams. I have checked more than a hundred out of almost 300 papers on hand.

No perfect score yet. The highest score so far is 69 over 70. What's alarming is that some students got less than half of the total. I don't want to be disappointed or frustrated. I do not want negative feelings to rule over me.

Maybe perfect scores aren't so important. I don't think they mind not getting perfect. Many are actually satisfied with passing marks. So I better stop assuming that they feel the same way I do. Perfect scores (in minor subjects) ruled over my life when I was in college. I could never forgive myself then if I had mistakes.

Again, they are not me.

Still, I'm hoping that they be motivated to be serious in their studies - listen to discussions, read books/materials, set goals and achieve them, etc. And if they can, I hope that they get perfect in exams; if not this midterms, then in the finals.

I'm Not Unhappy!

My bbf (best bud forever) Kris, at my urging, finally bought a sun cellular sim. We haven’t talked for a month so there was a major catching up. The call lasted 20 minutes.

The two topics of our talk were their review and my life here at Marbel.

He gave me the latest news on their end – preboard scores, dorm feuds, sacrifices, sufferings and the hesitations on taking the October CPA Licensure Exams.

May of them, including him, are considering prolonging their agony (review) to ensure that they pass the board on their first take. The results of their 2nd preboard weren’t so good. So I gave my unsolicited advice: take the board on October!

There is no difference between taking the board this October and fail; and taking it in May. Because if they fail in October, then they take the exams again on May. At least they would already know what awaits them.

There is not much to lose but there is so much to gain. Of course, there is the possibility of passing. If not totally passing, they may become "conditional", meaning, they will only have to retake two subjects on May. With the latter, at least they can start working on November; or can concentrate reviewing the subjects to be taken again.

Great. The one who is not sweating and having sleepless nights, the classmate who will not take the exams and who does not know whether she will be able to actually take it (that's me), spoke as if she knew a lot.

I somehow feel guilty (just "somehow"). While the whole class is there in the battlefield - others are on the verge of crying and others are actually crying, here I am, living a relaxed life at Marbel.

Speaking of my life, it has become an issue, too. Apparently, when Kris dropped by at our place in GenSan to give the first draft for the yearbook, my mother took the opportunity to share what she believes is my unhappy life.

My parents visited me two weeks ago and my mother claims that her precious beloved (and spoiled) child is not happy because of the ff. reasons:
1. I have a witch landlady. (Why did I tell her what I feel for that woman?!)
2. I don't know anyone in the dorm. So my dormmates aren't my friends. According to mom, what if something happens to me, who would help?
3. My room is ugly, smelly and gloomy. Come on, as if our house in GenSan is a palace.
4. I have no one to talk to. Rebuttal: I talk to my stuffed toys. They listen and actually answer back. Hehe.
5. The water smells foul. No problem really because aside from my being deaf and half-blind, I also have a very poor sense of smell.

Had she openly asked me if I am happy or unhappy, she will surely be assured that there is nothing to worry.

Why did I have to hear her sentiments from a third party? She tried to tell me last weekend. I did not let her go on because I never really thought that she was serious. Now, Kris believes that I am unhappy and would probably tell the rest of our friends, too. I won't explain. I have nothing to explain!

I don't understand how they equate happiness with clean water or a nice landlady. Funny.

I am not unhappy. I'm not very happy, too. I'm fine; and I am fine with just being fine. I hope that makes sense.

My Taxi File

Last night, I read a youngblood article entitled The Taxi Files. And I remembered a not-so-happy incident concerning a taxi ride in Manila a year ago.

I'm a courteous person. I have respect for the elders and I am extra-sensitive to the poor. But I am extremely opinionated and principled. And I will never keep my mouth shut if I feel that I am, or any person, is abused. I will always defend my friends regardless of situation.

We took a taxi ride from Mall of Asia to Market-Market in Taguig. Taxis are required to use the meter system where passengers must pay what's on the meter. But taxi drivers in Manila have this illegal system of imposing a mark up. If you won't agree, they would not accommodate you.

There were six of us in the group. We would not fit in one taxi so we divided the group into two. Daryl and James were with me while Inday and Rom were with Sir Mark. The other group left first, with an agreement with the driver that they pay P30 mark up (additional to the bill). It took us longer to find a taxi who's willing to take us to Taguig. Grrr, they were so papresyo. Finally, one taxi was willing. The driver was talking to the other drivers there while we put our luggage in the taxi. We did not really listen to them. What's important was that we could finally leave.

When we reached Market-Market, with the others already there, I paid what's on the meter and an additional P30. But the driver insisted that during the negotiation with the other drivers at MOA, it was decided that we pay a P50 mark-up. Great, so other drivers negotiated on our behalf.

I was almost willing to pay without complaints. I was tired and I wanted the driver to just get lost. But James was arguing with the driver. He was talking about fairness and all. If I gave in to the driver's demands without a fight, James would have felt betrayed. The three from the other taxi were also butting in. Daryl didn't care because he didn't have money anyway. And he knew I'd pay the bill.

James set out the status quo, meaning, how much mark-up the other group paid. I knew that the debate would go on and on if I did not put a closure. For the sake of argumentation, I told the driver (shouted is probably more reflective): Wala kayong values. Walang love of work! In the first place, we are only required to pay what's on your meter. There, go take P50. Sana masaya na kayo. Mukhang pera.

Yeah, I said a lot. The driver did not give his rebuttals. He took the money and left.

What did my act accomplish?
James did not feel defeated.
We felt that we applied our principles and we held on to Sir Mark's famous motto (popular to us): It's not about the money, it's the act.
We felt that we were more value-oriented people than the driver/s in Manila.

Did it prove that I was a better person than that driver? No. I actually stooped down to his lowly level.

I don't really know how it could have been handled more appropriately. Anyway, I'm not looking back wishing I didn't say what I said. And if anything could be changed, I would have conveyed my message in a nicer way.

But can there really be a nicer way in telling a greedy person that he has no values?

Slash

I've been wanting to have my hair cut for many months now. I wanted to have a new look last Christmas, for graduation, before my first day at work and many times in between. But I never had the courage and energy to enter a salon and just get on with it.

Mother wanted me to keep my hair long and has many times told me that cutting it would break her heart. I don't know how having a haircut could affect her so much. I heeded because I constantly reminded myself that it was I who made all the decisions in everything else in my life. My hairstyle is such a small thing.

But looking at the mirror everyday and seeing how ugly, brittle and consumed with split ends my hair was, the urge to have a haircut became greater. And yesterday, when I couldn't take it anymore and while my parents were out, I finally went to a salon.

I was lying on the couch watching tv, then got up supposedly to get something to eat. Then the thought once again occurred, I want a haircut. I knew that there is a salon on the next block. Without rationalizing, I got my comb and purse and headed for the salon. Some five minutes later, I found myself knocking on the gate of a house that had a signboard "Angel's Salon" (if I remember it right).

An old lady came out and I told her that I want a haircut. "May sakit si Angel, umiinom nga kami ng orange juice kasi wala s'yang panlasa," she answered. Then Angel came out saying that it's okay, she can manage. I hesitated a little but I could not turn away and say No, I don't trust this kid (she looks like a high school student) with my hair. I'm also very idle and I don't like the idea of going back home to get changed so that I will be presentable in going to a salon in the city. That would be too time and energy consuming. That salon and the kid were good enough.

When I got inside the house (salon), she asked what kind of cut I wanted and what length did I want it to be. There were no magazines to check out and I know only two styles, slash and straight. I didn't think I wanted it straight so I said I wanted a slash. She got a pair of scissors that looked like normal scissors, not the type used in normal salons. Oh my. And I thought that perhaps I was getting punished because I was betraying my mother and having my hair cut behind her back. But I did not complain and I decided to trust the sick girl. Good luck to my hair.

I tried not to look at how she was doing her thing. But I could make out that she did not do it the same way other stylists did. Huhu. Still, she heard nothing from me.

While she was cutting (and slashing?) my hair, my thoughts wandered. I remembered that it was years ago when I had my last haircut. And many times before, the decision was always easy to make. I did it when something major came to my life - I was very happy over something, I got an award or citation, my heart got broken, I was letting go of things/people, etc. And I asked myself, So what happy or heartbreaking thing happened to me? But I couldn't point out anything. For the first time, I had my hair cut because I wanted it cut. Period. It's not really very ugly. I have only given that as an excuse. I also did not do it because I wanted to defy my mother. It breaks my heart every time I defy her. Yet I always do. Hehe.

After thirty minutes, I was back in front of the television. Done is my hair. Did the sick young stylist make me beautiful? No, for I still have the same face and features. But I surely felt better because I finally did it. I hope that every morning when I look in the mirror, I wouldn't say bad things about my hair anymore. But then, if I do, my hair can still get shorter. Hehe.

Note: Mama did not even realize I had a haircut!!! How could she?! My hair is now three or more inches shorter. Something must be very wrong with her eyes. But it's a good thing. At least I did not have to explain. And what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Hehe

Sketches and Eyeglasses

I don’t know what specific event or thought made me remember the visits I had with my classmates to the museums in Manila some ten years ago. The point is, I remember those visits.

I majored in Visual Arts at Philippine High School for the Arts; and going to the museums and seeing the works of visual artists were a meaningful and relevant integration. We were groomed to become artists. We at least should know those who set the foundations and standards in Philippine visual arts.

We went to at least five museums; the more popular ones were the Meralco Theatre and the National Museum. Those two housed the known works of Juan Luna, Felix Resureccion Hidalgo, Fernando Amorsolo, etc. I claim to be a fan of Hidalgo because he isn’t as popular as Luna. I sort of have something against popular and commercial people.

I was amazed when I saw the Spolarium. It welcomed us as we entered the National Museum. I read and heard a lot about it but never thought it was very big until I saw it. I asked my fellow students how it was transported from Europe and how it entered the Museum. They didn't know and I don't think they cared. It sure would not fit in the entrance door. Did it enter through the ceiling? But it couldn’t even be carried in a helicopter. I got the answer some years later. Apparently, that very big painting was divided into smaller squares of canvas. But when I looked at it, I never noticed the divisions. I don’t know how they put the canvas together or how Juan Luna drew such a huge painting. It must have taken years! Still, it did not make me a fan of Juan Luna. I heard a story about him shooting his wife and in-law. I'm not really sure if the story is true or not.

Seeing the great artists' works was supposed to motivate us. I don't think it had such effect on me. At the time, I knew already that I wouldn't be able to paint anything near or comparable to the "Spolarium." But I agree that those artists are simply amazing. They put their minds, hearts, bodies and souls to their craft; and their efforts surely paid off.

What amazed me most were not the popular works in the big museums but the less popular and the unrecognized ones in the smaller museums. Framed and hanging on the walls were the sketches made by recognized artists. Pencils were used in many of the works. Others were simply drafts and outlines. Yet they were framed. And they looked really good. It was obvious that true artists' hands drew those. And while the huge paintings did not motivate me, I was greatly inspired by the etchings. Perhaps I knew that I was capable only of those.

At the young age of 12, I imagined my sketches framed and hanging on museums. It kept me drawing for a year. I loved drawing with pencils and I was so bad with the paint brush. That I accepted.

Another meaningful event in my short-lived pursuit to become an artist was a visit to the house of Jose Rizal in Calamba, Laguna. The house is considered a museum and it was well-preserved. The rooms still had the things of our national hero and his family. At the back was the garden and a play house where the young Jose Rizal and his siblings played in.

As much as I appreciated the trip and seeing the house, these did not change what strong negative opinion I had (and still have) for the man. I didn’t like Rizal even then because he was heavily motivated by fame and honor. I read stories of him, when he was as young as 5 years old, where he predicted that he will one day become famous. When teased by his sisters, he told them that he may be small but will one day be a big name in the history of his country. Of course, this may not be entirely true and may only be a product of Zaide’s or some other author’s exaggeration. They thought that this is a plus factor to our national hero. But if we look deeper, it would show that Rizal already exhibited worldly motivations even at such an early age. Oh no, many Rizalians would probably get mad if they read this.

Many of Jose Rizal's things were placed on glass cases. Included there were two or three pairs of his old and worn out eyeglasses. I was already wearing glasses then. And they were worn out, too!! And I thought, "When I grow up, my glasses will be put on glass cases like this one inside a museum." I was no different from Rizal. At an age a little older than he was when he predicted his fame, I had the same worldly motivations - to become great and known, that even my eyeglasses would be showcased.

I wanted the same things which made me dislike our national hero. But the need to be famous did not last long. I don't really know which came first - knowing that such motivation is not too value-oriented or the realization that I did not have the talent to become great. Anyway, if my glasses will one day be worthy to be placed in a museum, I don't think the viewers would appreciate what they'd see. I got the worst glasses anyone could set eyes on. No, I don't think I'd be proud to showcase them. Viewers would probably say, "Geez, can eyeglasses get this bad? This great owner must be one very irresponsible person." It's a good thing then that I will not be the next Jose Rizal or Juan Luna.

Note: This post is sort of a joke... This is not a product of a thinking mind and this is very much unedited. I typed this during a short break... Might erase this later.

Kuya

I have always wanted an older brother – someone who would pamper and spoil me; a protector from bad elements; and a guy I could brag of to my lady friends.

I never got one, for of course, my mother could not bring back time just to give birth to my very much wanted Kuya. So when I met him, he was like sent from heaven, an answered prayer. He spoiled me and defended me. He is proud of me and he, too, is someone I could be proud of.

We could always talk about anything and everything. I could be in my worst and he would not mind. He could be in his worst and he’d allow me to scold him.

But things have suddenly changed. Now, when we see each other, we cannot anymore talk spontaneously. I do not know what to tell him and vice versa. It’s sad because I’d rather not see him than we are in each other’s company but are lost and uncomfortable. I’m not sure how this happened. We are not anymore living up to the kuya-sister act.

I'm No Blogging Addict

Bo Sanchez wrote:
All addictions, whether to drinks, food, shopping or sex, are an escape from feelings we don't want to face.

Very well said. And it supports my claim that I'm no blogging addict!! I'm spending an hour or so a day, I seldom miss (but I did for almost a week, straight), on blogging - writing and reading blogs. At some point, the thought occurred to me that perhaps I'm beginning to become addicted to this. Or I already am addicted.

I always justify that this is not an addiction, but a way to express myself - feelings, thoughts, ideas, interests, etc.

And after I've read Bo's article about negative emotions - how people sometimes run away from them through their addictions, I feel better. . . Because I certainly am not running from negative emotions through blogging.

Blogging has given me a way to acknowledge negativities and conquer them. Yehey! I'm no blogging addict.

Haha. I'm reading inspirational books. Ate Kamz said (or implied) that an excellent reader reads anything and everything. Why am I justifying myself? Really, Bo's articles are funny, amusing, sometimes self-centered but you can surely relate. And yes, they are quite inspiring, too.

PS: I am not blogging as much as I used to; not really because I have not much to say. . . I don't know. Maybe I'm over the "overwhelmed" stage. But I still intend to keep blogging.

Stall No. 4

I am like most people - I form judgments. It's inevitable. I was given brains, thus, I think, I rationalize, I see the good. And yes, I see the bad, too....

As a new member of the College of Business Administration Faculty, I spend most of my free time at the Faculty Room - checking test papers, blogging (we got a computer with internet access), reading, sleeping, etc. When I get bored, there is the canteen to go to. I love to eat! Well, that is if my eating disorder does not prevail. But because our office is located directly in front of the canteen, I can't help but check out the food, and ultimately eat.

There are five stalls, each serving its own specialties. The first two stalls are usually the most crowded. They serve more viands compared to the other three. They put the food that they offer behind a glass something.

The third stall serves viands in covered trays (that's what these things are called according to Erwin). And because the trays are covered, consumers need to take off the covers first before they will know what exactly the food being served is. That is not very convenient. And there is also an assumption that if you dare take off the covers and check out the food, the food servers will expect you to buy. They would ask, "Ano inyo Ma'am?" And because you do not want to offend them, you will be forced to buy. For that reason, very few dare check what's hidden on those trays. I have not yet bought any viand from Stall No. 3.

I don't really care about Stall No. 5. It could exist or evaporate. I, together with many others, probably would not notice.

So we now go to Stall No. 4. This is nothing personal. I am making this clear: I have nothing against the stall, food, owner and/or servers. I just have a lot to say. Hehe.

Stall No. 4 does not attract many buyers. They serve just two viands which do not look enticing. The owner and her helper are not engaging people. And they are guilty of so many other marketing violations.

The owner is probably the slowest moving person I've seen. Her clients are already filling and she couldn't care less. If she is texting, she would not put down her phone until she's finished. And she texts a lot! And you may be giving your order, and she would only look up at you (for a long time). It takes me three times at an average to say what I want before she makes a move.

But why do I keep coming back? Because I wouldn't really be able to say a lot unless I go there a lot. Well, I may not like her and her marketing mix, but I am addicted to her banana cue. This post was supposed to be entitled "Banana Cue", but a specific experience earlier made me change the title and the course of this story. For now, on banana cue, I'd like to share that I have never been this attached to any food as I am to this one. I consume around four in a day!!! This is the only reason why I tolerate seeing that owner and her helper.

So, let us go now to the specific experience... I liked the look of her chicken-something viand and placed my order, one-half cup of rice and that viand. Then, the helper said, "Hindi kami naga-serve ng half Ma'am." Without second thoughts, I said "ok" and walked away. Haha. I heard the slow-moving owner call me and say, "Ma'am, ok lang po." I'm so mean, but it gave me a little happiness to have turned away from them. They forgot one thing: they need consumers more than we need them. We make the choices.

I did not get mad. I had fun. I hope they learned their lesson there: be flexible. I'm not a person who keeps grudges (but then, how can I when I claim to have had fun). Geez, I'm so mean.

Anyway, I came back for the banana cue. And will come back again and again for it. I might try the "half-rice" order again. And the walk out. Hehe

Going Places

For two months, I've been waiting for an opportunity to engage in activities that entail going to other places, like how it was in my school years. And finally, this opportunity came yesterday - to go to a community in Lambayong, Sultan Kudarat to give out relief goods to the people who were victims of Typhoon Frank.

I have so much to say and share, yet I could not find the right words. Actually, I can try, but I have no enough time or energy for writing that story right now. I want to do the experience some justice so storytelling will have to wait.

I would not say that it was fun. No, it wasn't.... But it was certainly a moving and learning experience.

GMA and Leadership

I did not see and hear GMA’s state of the nation address. I don’t care about what she has done or what she will do. Her name and the whole of her being – just everything about her, are tainted. She can get defensive or play “paawa” and I don’t care. I’m giving comments and airing my opinion not because I care about her but because I care about my self and the Filipino people (and I’m excessively opinionated).

I consider myself a leader, too. I may not have held positions that would qualify even for one tenth or one hundredth of hers but I believe that I know more about leadership. (Haha, pamati) Leadership is not about me, myself and I; it’s about other people, those whom I am serving. I may be doing everything which I believe is good for them. I may give all my time, efforts and energy - but these are no assurance that I am being a good leader.

A leader is like a product. If the customers do not like you, whether you are good for their health or not, you are not good enough. Like a product, the leader’s quality is measured by customer satisfaction.

In Gloria’s situation, come on, who’s satisfied?!

PS: I hope rejectig GMA is as easy as rejecting or vommitting (I like this better, hehe) a product.

Go for Peace

With Rey, EIC of the NDMC Pub; Jay Pee, fellow student leader at NDDU and Rean, SSG Officer from NDMC - student peace advocates

I saw this pix somewhere..... then copied it. What is its relevance aside from having me in it? It's a remembrance of my peace advocacy years in college. I hope there are opportunities to still actively take part in this advocacy.

Superheroes

I watched Hancock last Saturday - the first movie I have watched in more than two months (I don't remember the last one) and my very first here in Marbel.

It was another superb performance (my opinion) from Will Smith. Had another actor played the role, I would not have appreciated the movie. I wasn't expecting for a literal modern day superhero. Will Smith did not exactly have the "superhero" look on the movie poster. So I was quite surprised to see the man flying.

A lot of times, Hancock was on the verge of crying, or perhaps, he already was crying. Lesson is, Men do cry, even the strongest and most powerful ones. And such act does not make them less manly. I think he's the first superhero I've seen who came closest to crying. Or did I see Spiderman cry? Oh, I don't remember.

Speaking of Superheroes, do they exist in reality? Nah, never in the past, at present or in the future, unless mutations will give rise to the existence of mutants like X-Men. That's not happening in the near future or in my lifetime. I hope it won't happen at all.

So why do we create images and stories of superheroes when we know that they never existed and will never exist? Moviemakers, storytellers and artists probably would reason that superheroes are products of their creativity and great imagination. Art is art, regardless of it's being realistic or not.

But superheroes would not gain much popularity unless they are patronized by people. Yes, superhero stories are popular because we crave for them. We want them to solve our biggest problems on the spot. We need them to fight criminals. We want them to protect us from everything bad. And we want them to have feelings and fall in love with us, thus, we want them to be humans, too. I don't remember a superhero who does not have a love affair.

If they will be humans like us, they, too will be susceptible to errors.They can feel rejection. They may get overwhelmed. They can be influenced. And they will have problems as well. And their problems might become our problems, too. They may be working for us at one point and against in another. There is no assurance. There is no security.

More bothering is that we will direct to them all of our burdens and responsibilities. In the long run, we find ourselves very dependent; and we are not anymore capable of taking control of our lives. Everything will be given and when superheroes will suddenly go, die or evaporate, how will we survive?

So do we really need superheroes? I believe not... We are already good as we are. We make mistakes. We learn.

Economy vs Environment

There have been so many changes in my hometown in just less than two months that I’ve been away.

I was supposed to go to Davao to visit friends and take exams at Ateneo. But due to the recent bombings and threats, I decided to postpone the trip. I spent Friday night at home and went back here in Marbel today.

But before going back, I had a breakfast date with Lyda. I asked papa to take me to her place in Casa Luisa Village; and on our way there, we saw tents and some construction activities in the lot in front of SocSarGen Hospital which used to be vacant. Robinson’s Mall is being constructed there. I thought it was just chismis. Apparently, it’s true.

A hundred meters from that site, houses were also being built in what will be Agan Homes Subdivision. There were already a dozen houses which are done. I heard about the said subdivision last April because my bestfriend Kris said then that he’d like to buy a unit. And at that time, Lyda told us that all the units have already been sold. So the houses were already sold out even before the very first house was built. Lyda also told Kris that he most likely could not afford a unit because the lowest monthly payment is around P7,000. Come on!! That’s the biggest monthly payment for any subdivision unit in GenSan. We live in the subdivision, too, and I believe that our monthly payment is only P2,000plus. But then, we’ve been living there for almost 15 years now.

That area is residential although there are many vacant lots and in not so far away are rice fields. With the construction of Robinson’s, it is inevitable that other commercial establishments will also follow. Businessmen will offer to buy lands from homeowners in the area who most likely will sell their lands because of the tempting high prices. They are not exactly rich people and a P1M offer for a 100 sq. meter land will probably pay off their debts. But that is not really alarming. With the activities and noise in the mall and other establishments even at late nights and early mornings, residents of the area are probably better off somewhere else. But I suggest that they don’t take the first offer. Wait some more, invest in time, be patient and let businessmen continually increase their offers.

Have you heard of rice fields a few hundred meters away from a big mall? That will be the scenario in Lagao and Casa Luisa soon. Right now, tenants are not too worried yet. But when businessmen and investors will start offering big bucks to land owners and others start selling lands, the rest will probably follow. What good is their farm in the middle of commercial establishments? With pollution and toxic wastes produced by such establishments, directly or indirectly, the lands will not anymore be conducive for farming.

Am I in favor of these changes? I really have no strong opinion of the matter but I can point out pros and cons. With the industrial development, there will be an increase in job opportunities. There will also be greater competition, leading to better quality of products and services which are offered at lower prices. Consumers will have more choices; and city and party people will have more venues to have fun. But in exchange for all these, there will be more pollutants, noise and probably crimes, too. What used to be agricultural lands will become industrial. Farmers who rent/lease the lands will lose jobs and they could not be expected to work for commercial firms because they are not qualified.

Economy versus environment has been a topic of many debates since Industrial Revolution. I hope it is possible that we all come out winners out of these changes.

Confessions of a pet lover

I've always been into animals. I remember, when I was in grade school, I would save my baon to buy chicks. At the time, they were sold at the city market and in a stall in Lagao at P20 each. I've bought more than 10 chicks and only 1 came to live with me until maturity. The others died or were saved by people who could better take care of them. I never allowed my parents or neighbors touch my precious surviving pet chicken.

My father bought me a turtle which I eventually lost. Well, it actually escaped. I'm a freedom-lover and I did not want my pets to feel as though they were prisoners. I left my turtle in a planggana. Later, it swam in the canal and of course never came back.

Because my parents tried very hard not to play favorites (or pretended that there is no favorite), they bought my siblings and I three ducklings, one for each of us. It was just a front; for my sister and brother were never into pets. I claimed all three ducklings and my siblings couldn't care less. My joy with having them was a little longer than with the turtle. They at least spent the night with me, on my bed, and the next day swam in the canal. Never even bothered to say good bye! They, too, never came back. I've had birds, white mice and cats as well.

My fondness for animals is probably attributed to missing farm life and the animals we used to have. . .

But when I was in high school, I forgot about them. I was busy with barkada, activities, UAAP, movies, contests, crushes and orgs. While in college (in later years), my interest in having pets again surfaced. I got a dog which looks like the one in the movie, The Mask. I'm not sure of the breed but it's no asong kalye, although I got teased by friends that my beloved dog was ugly. It's small, playful and very much into me. I named him Du, the term of endearment of a special friend and I (eeewww).

During Regional PRISAA held in GenSan where I was a facilitator, I stayed at school even in the evenings. One time when I went home to get clothes, Du was making kulit and followed the trisikad when I left. The dog must have missed me so much. I thought he could find his way back home because he usually did. Apparently, he never came back. My parents thought that I took him to school because I have done so many times before.

When I learned that he's missing, after PRISAA when I finally got home, I was broken. I swore that I will find him no matter what. I felt very guilty because I did not make sure that he was safe at home. He must have tried to really get to me and eventually got lost.

With my brother, who does everything I tell him to do, I looked for Du first in our subdividion, then in the purok and barangay. We walked and walked, called out his name but no Du emerged. After months, I still looked around, hoping that I'd find him. But I never did.

I thought I'd never have another dog. Then came Twofi. Why the name, it's a long story.... He's a labrador. At four months, he was already big but could not walk yet. I carried him a lot then. He's got these wonderful, expressive eyes. I really loved Twofi. But it was hard taking care of such a big dog. And he has o.a. and exag needs - shampoos, food, etc.

He was very attached to me, like most labradors are to their owners. He'd like us to play always. I just didn't have the time. When I'd leave for school, he'd cry but I couldn't do anything about it. He'd run to me and spoil my uniform. A lot of times, I went to school not in uniform because Twofi got them dirty. Speaking of dirt, he poops a lot, too! And the time came when I didn't want to look at him anymore because it would be hard to get away, physically and emotionally.

My parents were busy as well so we had to let him go. He was given to a co-teacher of my mother who promised to give us a child of Twofi. It was sad parting with him but at least I know where he is, and that he's safe.

Then came Mac2X. I bought him from a friend of a friend - half Japanese spitz (?) and half something else. He's really very cute and is such an attention seeker. He has some eeww habits though. His favorite activity was masturbating on my big lion stuffed toy. I never held that lion toy again.

I know I could keep Mac but when a cousin visited and took an interest in him, my parents found an easy way to rid of my dog. I couldn't complain much because I wasn't the one grooming him. I was always out. I never cleaned his dirt. I wasn't being a responsible pet owner. And they promised that Mac would be available when I am available. So Mac is with my cousin now and is very much loved there.

But the pet that had the biggest impact in my life is Cara, my baby rabbit. This story got this long and far, without my intention, but the real story lies in Cara. After the introduction, finally, we got to her. . . .

Cara was bought in Gaisano when she was two weeks old. She was very cute and adorable, with yellow hairs. Everyone just loved her. She was popular among fellow student leaders, too. They would drop by at the SSG Office to have a look at her and bring her food. Officers never complained even if the office and the tables were filled with Cara's dirt. She was part of all the activities - Acquaintance parties, meetings, etc. I brought her to Water Gran for the Leadership Seminar but left her on the second day to my colleagues because I had to go back to GenSan for a competition. When I got back to her, she was sick. She would not eat and was in a very poor condition. The inevitable happened, Cara died. And her first death anniversary was last July 21, 2008.

That was one of the saddest days of my life, not only because I lost a pet I loved so much but because I received one of the most important lessons in life the hard way. As a human being, I took control over other beings, in this case, Cara, but I was not responsible. I treated Cara as a trophy, a pet to show off to other people. She was constantly passed from one hand to another like she's a toy. I gathered all the rewards of being the pet owner but I never really took care of her. All these I acknowledged during the memorial service my co-officers and I gave to Cara.

Her remains lie at the grounds of Water Gran. And she will forever remind me and all the others whose lives she touched that we must not take for granted those that are given to us and that we must always be responsible.

Many times I was tempted to buy another rabbit but never got to. It's either I reminded myself of Cara or I got reminded by friends and family about her. Oftentimes it's the latter. In time, when I am ready, I will again have another bunny....

Find Your Way Out

Women empowerment is one of the goals of gender equality advocacy.... I hope my opinion is not exaggerated.

There is balance in everything - yin and yang, positive and negative, north and south, right and left. Therefore, for every entrance, there is an exit.

I have no choice, we hear this lots of times, and more often from married unhappy women who cling to their marriage; who could not leave their abusive, idle, drunkard husbands because they stick to the vow - for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. Death may actually come sooner to them if they will not take actions.

If your husband does not respect you now, do not expect too much that he'd change in the future. And if he does, it's most likely for worse!

I have nothing against getting married. I admire couples whose partnership and love grow stronger each day. I only speak strongly about abusive and unhappy marriages - physical, financial, psychological and emotional torture.

You have a choice. You may have chosen to get married but you do not have to stay married if it's demeaning or killing you. There is an exit. You can choose a happier and better life. You deserve that.

If you feel that you are not given justice as a person and as a child of God, leave. . . The God who created us does not even harm us, so why would we allow others to do so.

But what if I couldn't find a door out? Look at the door where you got in. It could not evaporate. From the outside, it's called an entrance; and from the inside, it may be your exit door. Mind you, this entrance-exit concept applies to almost anything, not just in relationships. . .

A Gender-Fair World

The quest for gender fairness and equality is a long battle. Are we winning? I believe so....

There have been so many positive changes already. And we have to thank the courageous people of the past and present who fought and are fighting for this cause.

Women now have equal rights with men - to vote, work, own property, etc. Gender is not anymore limited to the concepts and standards set on being men and women.

On the surface, we can say that we can now choose how to live our life, who our partners will be, what our personal choices are in clothes, style, profession, etc.

But beyond the surface, we still battle with judgmental people, some laws and the norms in our society.

This had been a long battle indeed. And the fight is not yet over. Let us choose the right side....


Four years ago, gender equality advocates in NDDU (including me) organized and founded Notre Dame Students Task Force on Gender Awareness and Equality Advocacy (NDSTF-GAEA) . NDSTF was Virgilio's idea while GAEA was John's. It is only now, as I read in a material, that I learned that GAEA is more than an acronym. GAEA is the goddess of the Earth, a symbol of women empowerment...... hehe, I should have known earlier.